I sit staring at the blank page with jumbled thoughts.
I could write about meditation, health, fitness, the pandemic and of course racism but the words have been spoken and when we are in such shock and searching for justice, or fighting to be heard in a noisy world, there is a despondency and apathy that can invade your spirit. Fragments of a poem are the only thing that I find remotely possible but who wants to read unfinished thoughts or write them for that matter.
We all get writer’s block so we just let our fingers do the walking, emptying out the spaces of our mind to flush out what is behind the words and open our heart to see what wants to be expressed, if anything.
Perhaps it is apathy or hopeless despair, trying to sift through the sand to find grains of wisdom. It’s dark and cold; depression? I just want to hole up and throw the covers over my head and wait for all of it to end and joy to fill my weary bones. Ugh, groundhog day…..again.
I used to have a dream that there would be a moment where all beings everywhere had this wake up call all at once. There was a loud noise and then the words of a higher power, said ”Stop, what are you doing this moment, Drop your weapons, ego and righteousness and love each other, that’s all there is”. And as if by magic the voice was heard and we rejoiced together in euphoria and we recognized the oneness that existed instead of the separateness; And came together in acceptance and peace.
I have been told this is magical thinking and maybe it is but I will continue this dream and hold it in my heart and actions until the end of time. I will not succumb to violence even in my rage and sadness. I will hold my head high and low at times breathing deeply and forgive and heal until I have the strength to lift it and stand once again to take flight.
- I will always hold the torch silently and loudly where I can find my light to ignite my spirit.
- I will always stand for justice and honor peoples rights separating government from social stances, even when that’s not how our system works.
- I will always see gray where we can honor each other’s differences as I fight to share mine.
- I will always use kind words over destructive ones that separate and apologize when I slip up and don’t.
- I will try not to lecture but listen beyond words.
- I will fight for our rights and human injustices and stand up for a better future where we can live in equality and build a better future.
- I will use my moments to look internally so I can see where I need to heal, forgive, let go, be kinder, stronger, take a stance, speak up and shut up. But I also know as long as we have a human race, there will be bickering, there will be greed, there will be people who take advantage of the system and have a pity party and choose to be victims of their circumstances instead of digging out and doing their part to change their life. It’s easier for some to blame than to take responsibility but until they do, they will reap what they sow.
I am blessed and I don’t forget that I am lucky to be born where I was, at the time I was, but it did not come without a lot of searching, investigating, clearing out debris and sometimes I felt like I was being eaten alive and permeated by intrusive thoughts and demons haunting me. But I didn’t back down, I looked in and healed those wounds, real or imagined.
As long as we are on earth, I’m sad to say, we will continue to have violence and killing and that is NOT to say it is ok. IT IS NEVER OK! It is simply to point out when we think this is worse than it’s ever been, might we remember history: The Civil Right Movement, World War 2, The Great depression etc. to remind ourselves that history repeats itself and we are fighting again for causes we thought we abolished but are still very much alive. Does it sicken us? Sure it does, but we will fight the good fight and stay strong and speak out demanding justice and equality.
Earth is a training ground for our next dimension and we must be ready to hear the call.
So stand up to injustice, speak your opinion, be an example first to yourself and then others who will model these truths.
We will not back down from these atrocities and let our spirits get beaten down but we will not put our boxing gloves on and fight either, creating more separation and damage. .
Instead, we will sit in the void, staring at our paper; Blank Slate~ Tabula Rasa shaking our heads, feeling the pain of our brothers and sisters, and hold ourselves gently and lovingly, until we have words to speak again and they flow through our hand from pen to paper, so we can share them with the world.
Stay Strong and Stay Well.