Wisdom is optional, Aging is not. To be wise you must remain open minded, learn and grow especially as things become more challenging. Staying rigid in belief and thought are reflected in the body.
copyright Cindy Georgakas 2020
How do we continue to grow in wisdom as we age, especially now in the pandemic with our new normal in place? It makes one question the constructs you have put in place for yourself in life and if you have prepared yourself for the unexpected. Are you able to shift gears and live in what is verses what was, trying to get back to normal as you go about your day that you are not open to the moment?
We all deal with things differently and I for one hit the ground running when my terrain has been shaken or embers threaten my internal world. I train myself daily to be mindful and practice meditation, qigong, Tai Chi etc. I try to stay present so when difficult times happen in my life that require me to find calm and joy in chaos, I can access it. It’s not enough to sit, it is the everyday moments that teach us to put it into action, what we practice and therein lies the work which isn’t as easy as it seems. Practice what we preach as the old antage goes.
Well guys, the fires have finally hit our home indirectly. There is smoke in the air with the threatening of lightning and heat so we are on alert but we are okay for now. I mentioned my 86 year old father and his girlfriend who is 90 were more at risk and they indeed had to evacuate their house the other night due to the fires since they are about 6 miles away. I don’t think they were threatened as much as they wanted the roads closed since it’s a windy 2 lane thoroughfare and the fire fighters need access to the areas behind them. If the winds do shift, embers could hit one of their at least 200 trees on the property and with a shake roof, it could quickly turn to no way out.
My Dad couldn’t reach me right away because I was in a session the other night when the fire department knocked on his door to evacuate them. When I called back he said he was was disappointed in me. I had talked to him earlier for about 45 minutes and everything seemed ok but I did say he could come here if something happened and temporarily moved in with us.
It cut to the core because I am always here for my family no matter what and for the life of me, I’m not sure what he was so disappointed about yet, but I have lived my whole life for his approval. I thought I healed that wound but here I am once again facing this feeling of sadness, anger and pain.
We picked him up and he is staying here until things are safe and clear to return. I get to practice being present with my feelings, his and forgive but right now it’s cordial and chilly which is good since it’s so blazing hot outside. He can’t see with macular degeneration and glaucoma and is bone on bone so is in pain a lot of the time. He had a stroke 2 years ago after elective heart valve replacement and I was there for him every step of the way. It’s really sad to see your robust father that was so strong and athletic decline. He needs help to accommodate his aging body which he refuses to acknowledge which is frustrating because he will be going blind and won’t make choices while he still can and I will be forced to make them for him. He lives up the hill 20 minutes from us and we need to work full time to make ends meet which makes response time a problem.
I continue to look for the lesson and silver lining while we acknowledge this internal struggle for all of us living under one roof with our 2 adult children as well who moved in after the pandemic. We have had to learn how to navigate and move into an adult relationship together changing our old structure of our adult child relationship which has been a gift but not without a lot of discussion and falling back into old patterns.
I am struck by other countries where living together is the norm and they are interdependent on each other. Some of the millenials actually want to move but don’t want to upset their parents. When we were in Bali, we were so struck by everyone living together and asked the families how they manage it. They looked at us so perplexed and couldn’t understand why we didn’t live with our family members. I remember growing up and I couldn’t wait to go away to college at 18 and move out and I never looked back. Things were pretty rocky at home and I needed to move for my own salvation and in America that was the norm.
Now, here we are and 2 of our 4 kids are living with us and we are all navigating this uncharted territory which hasn’t been easy, but finding the benefits while managing the complexities of the financial burden and help with daily chores. America is now catching up and finding that 55% of the 22-35 years olds are living in fact do live at home and I’m sure that number will rise with the pandemic in place until who knows when.
But let’s be clear, this is a challenging time and as I age I find it difficult to live with anyone anymore, if I am to be completely honest. And I would venture to say, they find it difficult to live with me as well.
Having my Dad here is a deeper opportunity for letting go of trying to please someone so near and dear to my heart even though I know that I am not there at the moment. Our days are numbered and short. Life is fragile. I won’t get these moments and days back. I have a choice. What do I want? Will I choose to sit with this and stew and let it consume me and miss the opportunity of growth or will I let it go and clear the air? No doubt he was scared since I’m his lifeline.
I am reminded of the words of Don Miguel Rodriguez in his book The 4 Agreements which I listed below.
The Four Agreements:
- Be Impeccable with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
I am going to go to my mat now and pray to open my heart and release my ego of righteousness and illusion.
I will go in and invite him for a chat. I’m not sure where it will take us exactly but I will go forward, not backward in time or division.
It’s time to practice what I preach and It is so much easier when I am facilitating a Life Coaching session, rather than living one.
And this my friends is how you coach yourself.
Have a blessed day and remember What someone thinks of you is NOT your Business, so don’t take it personally. But don’t hold on to it, you only hurt yourself.
Blessings,
❤️
Cindy
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True words of wisdom here Cindy. Hope you are okay. It’s frightening to even read what you are experiencing. I can only hope that you have the strength to face this dual calamity with the positive mind you have. I too am living with parents and I do not plan on leaving as such only if my employment demands. I don’t know, I have always heard about people in America about leaving their parent’s house as soon as they become an adult. Maybe that would be good. It’s just cultural thing I suppose. It evolves as we try to decode our surroundings. The way I put it, maybe in many countries where the resources are limited and the people sharing it are more, it becomes an efficient plan to share. For example, a house with two more rooms for two kids is better than two houses or if the kids start earning at one point of time, they can have a much larger collective income. However, the way things are at different parts of the world, they might be as well a bane for their cultures. Independence is the one great thing the children learn at much younger age than other kids of other countries.
I hope you are well Cindy. Take care. 😇
Dear Kumar, Thank you for this heartfelt and message and your wise words. your message is helpful and encouraging which I apprecaite. It is also very insightful as well. There are advanatages and disadvantages no doubt about living with your family and without and I really expect it does depend on economics as well as the relationship that family members have I expect. It makes sense to consolidate resources and combine forces. Living with family does help you have to negotiate space and grow up instead of close yourself off as well. You can count on each other in the good times and bad, laughter and sadness and learn how to work out differences. I was always glad there was 1 car and one bathroom that they had to share because they learned to negotiate and appreciate what they had. Yes, i’m sure that you’re right about independence… no hellicopter parenting there. Thanks Take Good Care as well Kumar. Thanks for commenting.. ❤️🙏
😇
Cindy, you have been in my thoughts. I have also been concerned about Robert’s sister and her family who live in California, but they are up north and OK for now. After reading this post, I see that the fires are only part of the challenges you face…sandwiched between both the older and the younger generations! I admire how you are handling the stress and recognizing the opportunities. I wish I could send you some of the soaking rains we are experiencing, but I will just send my best wishes. “This too shall pass!”
Cheryl <3
Thank you so much Cheryl as I have a tear in my eye reading your words with such empathy and support. It really is heartfelt. I’m sorry, Robert? Is that your ex-husband’s sister or one of our fellow bloggers? So, well said, Sandwhiched between both the older and younger generations; is right. Thank you for getting it and the admiration of navigating the “whole banana”. Yes, this too shall pass!!! Blessings to you and much love ❤️ Cindy
Cindy, I am sorry for the confusion. Robert is my significant other. We have lived together for 6 years. I was married twice for 18 years each. The first marriage ended in an amicable divorce. The second husband died in 2003. I apologize if this is too much information. Take care, Cheryl
Oh no, I’m so happy to know that. Maybe you referred to him at some point and I missed it. Well, they say, the third time’s the charm-:) It’s so awesome you can find love again!!!
Cindy,
My heart goes out to you. It’s definitely uncharted territory when adult children become caregivers- for both sides. When my sister and I cared for my parents (at the same time my husband was ill), we all had major adjustments to make. They found it easier when they had the last word in the decision- making processes, after being presented with every possible option. It was down and dirty and stressful for my sis and I, but to put things in perspective, I just kept thinking how hard it was for them to see themselves falling apart. XO Lisa
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for taking time to respond to this especially being you have been through it before and know the challenge well. It’s true it’s very stressful for everyone and you’re right, they do like to have the last word. Many people said I should have taken his license away but he finally came to that decision on his own. I value everyone’s independence but there comes a time when you have to be the voice of reason. I just hope I can remain open when the time comes and grow. Perhaps the fire is the gift to get their attention. I will keep that in mind to give me strength. Thanks again! 🙏 Cindy
❤️
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That was so honest and heartfelt Cindy. So much on your plate. We are relying on how we felt growing up when all was much simpler. I too had no intention of living home past the age of 18 and did not except for a short time here and there. Yes in other countries it is common for all of the family to live together. I guess much of it is changing mind set and maneuvering in a different way. You are a blessed mother, daughter, spouse, and friend!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. We all have a lot on our plates, as do you. You are so right!~. We need to adjust and shift constantly to be present which isn’t always easy. Life is complicated actually. We know what we know stepping into new terraine is a learning experience. Thank you dear friend for for seeing me, knowing me and loving me. I love you more than I can express in words. Thanks for reading and commenting. ❤️
Hope things get better both the ways you are fighting for. All the best. Take care of yourself as you are your priority. 🙏😊💕
So much appreciated-:)
🌷😊
❤️🙏
I could understand your feelings, Cindy. When everyone together that’s strength. Now this family concept is getting outdated. I dont understand why people want to be alone. Are they happy?
Anyway hope you are safe.
Thank you so much Murali! You raise great questions. There is strength in numbers for sure which is so true. This is a good question and it seems more and more people are living together and it is shifting a bit. I have even been hearing of couples all sharing housing. However, now with rents dropping a bit I’m not sire what will happen. I so love my alone time these days and I’m afraid I could be a hermit holed up writing and reading these days. Do you have a big family?
I like and I love you 😘
Sent from my iPhone
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Awww, thank you so much for the love 💕 ! And right back at you❣️
I have goosebumps after reading this. It takes a lot of courage Cindy to write and open up about something so personal and heartfelt. You’re so brave. I hope that you swim through this uncharted territory and achieve new heights in life.
More power to you and bless you ! 💖✨
– Piyush | The Thinking Pen
Thank you so much Piyush! I rewrote it several times and each time tried to leave the personal part out but it kept finding its way to the page. I truly appreciate your applaud of courage. Yes, I am turning it over to a higher power and your comment helps be remember to swim through and keep
My head above water. Thanks for taking time to comment and your kind words. Take care! ❤️ Cindy
You too Cindy ! 💖😊
I am sorry to hear how the fires are affecting you and your family, but it’s wonderful that you are seizing every opportunity for spiritual growth. I too try to seize these opportunities, but often fail miserably. I read ‘The Voice of Knowledge’ but should probably read ‘The Four Agreements’ as well – I think it takes a lot of time and practice to live by these principles.
On another note, I nominated you for the Vincent Ehindero award, do take a look at the post on my blog if you are interested!
Thank you so Much Ingrid!
It really means a lot to me that you took time to share your feelings and insights. You are so right about it taking al lot of practice to live by these principles. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone. It’s so true; it’s not easy. And we often teach what we most need to learn. I haven’t read that book but I will add it to my list. Thank you so much Ingrid. That’s very kind of you and I appreciate it!!! 🥰 take good care!!!
It is by Don Miguel Ruiz so if you like The Four Agreements you will probably like this too! You take care as well 😊
Oh great to know!!! Can you tell I’m behind in my reading… lol! Thanks you as well!
Wonderful blog 👍
I Nominate you in Liebster Blogger award.
https://francochuksblog.wordpress.com/2020/08/25/liebster-blogger-award/
Congratulations.
The like if you like made me smile.
Living with adult children at home is definitely challenging! I love how you work through your life in writing…
Love, light and glitter
Glad you got a smile. Indeed it is and it’s a gift at the same time. Aw thank you very much. What other choice is there really right? Have a great day!
It is…
💕🕯✨
❤️
God may seem far ,
Shining like a star,
but in real , the divine is so near ,
In the very now here ,
The guidance is so clear…
always a light for sure with your words leading the way. thank you! ❤️🙏
🎶🌏🌎🌍🌐🗺⛰🏡😊😊😊😊😊😍
When the night gets dark
And the clouds emit a lightening spark ,
Water would nourish us with rain ,
to bring joy and transcend the pain ,
All things happen through us to gain ,
For our balance to regain ,
https://youtu.be/dUx7m0pHzjM
Such a beautiful Poem. Thank you so much and love your videos! Thanks you!
Do what you can but rely on God to figure out solutions as well …
Yes, the light always shines truth, bless you!
Enjoyed your saying Cindy. Hope the fires are under control in your area.
Thank you so much! Things are improving!
Dear Cindy,
I feel your pain, I was forty years of age before I ever heard the words I love you from my father. I always knew he loved me .after all he was the one who said my prayers with me and read the Bible with me at night but he was not demonstrative. When he became ill I took care of him and it was a healing experience for me. Thinking back I was always striving for his approval and finally realized he just didn’t know how to express himself leaving me feeling inadequate.it was such a gift to experience his passing and see the peaceful expression on his face when he left his physical body .
Thank you for sharing your most intimate feelings .you sound very wise and enlightened
The pictures you share are so beautiful.
Stay healthy, vital and strong in these difficult times .
Sending you love and prayers for your highest good
I loved this post and the wisdom within. You have had a very challenging time. Sending loving thoughts to you and your family.
As my friend and I used to say: AFGA, Another F*ing Growth Experience. You are allowed to first be angry, upset and, yes, even frightened by an experience you are not ready for. You are allowed to have the feelings you have. Acknowledge those first. Then move on, which it appears you are doing. I admire your willingness and ability to take the reins of a difficult situation and make the best of it. Remember to ask for help from those around you, even the little bit your father can do. It might make him feel better to know he can do something, to say nothing of your children. Don’t take it all on alone. This is a time for full family cooperation and responsibility. Love and hugs to you.
LOVE THAT Karen!!!
🤣 Good to laugh at these times too.
You are so right with these true words! We have to honor and feel what is there for us and it is a moment to moment experience so we can move forward. Thanks so much for those wise words. I do know where the saying comes from now to It’s easier to do it myself” but the rewards aren’t for everyone when we do that. I will invite him in the garden to pick tomoatoes with me which will give him a sense of purpose. My son is actualy teaching him a game which is very sweet. Thanks for the heartfelt wishes and reminders. Hope you are well! ❤️
Did I ever reply to this? I did write a long respones but don’t see one….must have forgotten hit send .. grrrrr
Not taking things personally is really an efficient way to handle things. It leaves us with an open mind to deal with the situation at hand without having our emotions take us over completely. Not making assumptions too… I mean it’s better to hear a person out that assume for yourself what you think they meant or wanted them to mean. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Breathe in and out Cindy… settle things with Papa😊💚
How estute Joel! You are sooooo right as all of the many masters have shared. It’s actually quite a process to actually live them and that’s the true testiment of how far we have come. You are so welcome and thanks for the reminder… ❤️
Dear Cindy,
I feel your pain. I too took care of my father when his health was declining .It is so sad when you love someone and look up to them and want their approval but don’t feel acknowledged.i was forty years of age before I ever heard my father say the words I LOVE YOU . Even though he was the one that said my prayers with me and read the Bible to me before I went to bed at night he was not a demonstrative being. I have to say it was a real blessing for me to be able to finally have a chance to get to know my father intimately while he was getting ready to make his transition to the other side. Some of our most valuable lessons are during times of adversity at least that has been my experience..
It has to be a difficult time for you given the fact that you have three generations to deal with all at once .
You sound like a very bright and enlightened being that can manage things very well . I feel like I know you having followed your blogs for some time now .
It was so helpful to hear your story and so brave of you to share such intimate happenings with everyone. I am sending you love and prayers that you stay WELL,VITAL AND STRONG..
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. What a gift that you had a completion with your father and came full circle in love and acceptance. That is such an example that times were different then and communications were not always expressed.
You are so right about growth and lessons coming in times of adversity. It is heartwarming to know you had the gift of love and acceptance when your dad made his transition.
Thank you for understanding the challenge as I continue to navigate uncharted territory. it’s like the blind leading the blind here but we are finding our way. I truly apprecaite your support, and empathetic words of compassion and love that come through the page. Blessings to you and I will take your words to heart which already give me strength as I move through my day. Stay Strong and Healthy as well!!! ❤️🙏
I like your effort for your posts. but there is too much text for me. I have poor eyesight despite reading glasses. i need a magnifying glass for this text. sorry, but an interesting blog.
I am so sorry to hear that your dad had to evacuate but hopefully you are all safe. I’m a people pleaser so I definitely understand your need for approval especially from your dad. I hope you are able to find a way to move past that and are able to get to a place where you no longer seek his approval.
Thanks for the thoughts Pooja! Funny thing, I thought I was over that but you know, life just shows up for deeper healing always. I’m certain this is an in let into an opening. Glad to know there are others (you) like me. hugs and love.
You’re very welcome and I hope you are able to truly heal!
Thanks Pooja~! Many heartfelt moments last night!
Indeed true wisdom comes through up’s and down’s that we go through in our life.It was really frightening to read this but also it was an inspiration for me the way you faced it and the way you are fighting it.Sending you my best wishes!!!!
This is so true and none of us escape it! I’m glad it touched you and even though scary, you found it inspiring.
I appreciate you taking time to comment and your heartfelt wishes!
Thanks so much!
I am glad that you are such a positive person Cindy. I am sure that helps cope with challenges better. Sending you virtual hugs. Take care and hope things ease out ❤️
Thank you Radhikas. I appreciate you postive energy and hugs that help me stay positive. It’s moving in the right direction. Have a great day!!!! 🤗❣️
I always say that what God brings me to, He will help me get through. Wisdom is something I feel I’ve gained in the last few years. I always enjoy reading your posts because we share such similar mindsets, staying mindfully open😉
I have book the book and audio version of “The 4 Agreements” and I recommend it often to my clients. His son wrote a wonderful book on shamanism called,”The medicine bag”. It’s so important to be able to shift. I always laugh when people ask me what my 5 year plan is, I live with no expectations and for the moment. As we can now see, our world can change rapidly. Allowing space for what is necessary and most important is crucial and for me that is always love. My son who is 19 and I are currently living with my parents who are 76 and 87 due to financial matters plus we want to be here to care for them during this pandemic. It’s not easy but I know it’s temporary until my partner can join me and then the 3 of us will move to our own place. I had to pivot and my life took a 180 degree turn in March when our country shut down. I’ve changed careers and relocated to another state. All for my betterment. I’ve learned thatife is constantly changing, no to look back but to instead learn from the challenges. I wish you and your family the best during this time. So much love my friend ❤❤❤
Can’t wait to read dear one… glad you are back! Off to a client… more later 😘
You are so right about that and I think the saying God only gives you what you can handle applies here as well. Although I must say that doesnt’ always sound like the truth. Thanks for your time and commenting which means so much. Kudos to you on moving forward in your life and shifting gears, moving and recreating yourself. Change is inevitable and the only constant for sure. What a blessing for your parents and you to share. Thank you for reading and your kind thoughts. I hope you are coming back refreshed! love and always hugs to you❣️.
I cannot imagine to what you are experiencing. Whatever you wrote is so heartwrenching. You are so strong a person who is maintaining her head and stands tall in the time of adversity. I’ll pray to God for your safety. Take care!❤❤
THANKS Nawazish. We are doing well and I think we are out of the woods. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts and prayers. Have I missed your posts lately or have you not posted in awhile? ❤️🙏
Pleasure is all mine! I don’t think you have missed a post but there was some problem with the website as I couldn’t find your posts in my feed! May be you were experiencing the same thing. The website gets crazy sometimes!😅😅
Thanks for letting me know. so weird! I wonder if it’s because I have to suscribed differntly to people when they aren’t in reader and I have to use my email? Do you know? I just don’t want to have all of those notifications on my email. I’s so confused!
Even my mail is full of notifications! Can’t help it!
🤣😂
I grew up living with my paternal grandma. Then after she passed my maternal grandparents moved in after I moved out ….then I lived with my in laws under one house for about 15 years. Now we live side by side in a duplex… it’s been five years now. Our culture embraces living with a large family. There could be chaotic situations but when something happens, we are able to get together quickly to help each other to adapt…… I am grateful for that.
So refreshing to hear that which sounds like such a wonderful supportive family. Yes, there is always
things to deal with for sure. Thanks for sharing!
We had many battles… over everything…. but this year I was able to stand my ground ….
Good for you!!!
Lovely words. You have a beautiful soul dear 🙂
Thank you so much-:)!
[…] Grow in Wisdom […]
Thanks for follow Cindy. I too practise Tai Chi, in theory, every day. Then along come the days when I fall off my home made pedestal and don’t get round to it but i always get back to it eventually.
You are so welcome and you as well. That’s funny, I do as well. The main thing is we start over again. Have a great day! ❤️ Cindy
I’m really inspired together with your writing abilities and also with the structure in your blog. Is this a paid subject matter or did you modify it your self? Either way stay up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a great weblog like this one today.
Wow! I did not realize you were so close to the fires. You dad and his 90 year old girlfriend made me smile! We never are past our parental responsibilities until they are gone it seem.
Dwight
It seems like the travel around us with fires on Napa and lake county where our lake house is and then in the Bay Area. Looks like our new normal. Oh my yes it’s true and with 5 of them still around, it’s a juggling act all right! 😍
It must be!!
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Thank you for this post. Living with people can be difficult. I lost my father to a car accident at 17 and lost my mom 2 years ago. Love hard on your pops. It’s difficult when you want that phone call or hug and it’s a void. Your pen is blessing people. Love this.
Hi I’m just seeing you in spam.. so sorry. oh so sorry and thanks for your kind words.. we’ve talked tho lately so I think we’re caught up! 💖