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When you Assume and you take something Personal;

You make and Ass out of U and Me. ASS U ME

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Last week I wrote about Miquel Ruiz’s Book on the 4 Agreements If you recall. You can always go back to my post and read it or even google it if you are interested. It’s a short book with lots of pearls of wisdom.

You might remember that there was some tension between my Dad and I when he was evacuted and stayed with us for the week.

The truth is it brought me back to being 10 years old and feelings I had thought I had resolved long ago came front and center, smacking me in the face and took me to that wounded little girl. I do NOT like those feelings trust me and the part that really bothered me was catapulted back in time like a ship lost at sea. I’m also working on a teaching memoir which shattered all of my ideas that I had some knowledge to impart.

The main thing was, that he was safe, he was able to create a relationship with my kids in a deeper way and we shared moments that we missed out on when I was a kid, since my parents divorced when I was 13. That was a gift and we had some wonderful moments. My 90 year old client stayed after a session with me and had coffee with my Dad on the deck and as it turned out they lived on the same street, Washington Street, in San Francisco but on opposite sides of each other. My client on the wealthy side and my Dad the other where they tried to make ends meet. They both played tennis and recounted story after story of mutual friends, tennis players, pros, places etc. It turned out my client went to the same high school as my Aunt, my Dad’s sister, and were only a year a part.

My mom dropped by and they always pick up where they left off without a missed beat talking and laughing about the past and the future of my brother who has mental health issues.

The elephant continued to be in the room and while I know my Dad would have side stepped the whole issue as most men do, I can never let bygones be bygones until I put them to rest. I really didn’t want to spend the time rehashing old issues etc. but I couldn’t sit any more in this fake sense of normalcy which was all too familiar growing up. Finally, I said “Dad, let’s talk about what happened the other night”. In true fashion he said “Oh, that’s over”, (it was about being disappointed in me for not hearing the phone ring and answering right away) if you recall. I said “Dad, it’s important that I understand where you were coming from, because it’s not over for me”. The first 10 minutes were spent trying to avoid the subject which was the usual denial I was so familiar with growing up, yet seething inside because things were swept under the rug.

Finally, after much digging and pinning him down it turns out he ASSUMED I was avoiding him and didn’t pick up the phone. I didn’t hear the phone and called him as soon as I could. Of course, I was avoiding him to burn in the fire. LORD have mercy. Ha ha! The next problem was, I took it personally as though I had done something wrong and couldn’t stand his disapproval. Look how quickly a small incident gets blown out of proportion when we assume and take things personally.

As soon as we got this sorted through, we were able to clean up the mess we created and let it go. Feelings I thought were once healed opened like a flood gate inside and I was a babbling brook, uncontrollable as he sat not quite knowing what had just happened. Wounds reopened and were cleansed deeper which is often what happens when an old trigger comes up. This surprised me as much as it did him. He sat most likely thinking his daughter was now going crazy too but when things are pushed down they can either errupt or create seething and unresolved emotions that show up in a mirage of other ways. I told him things he never knew about me and he appologized for not being there for me growing up.

We had an opportunity to clear things up and move on. This is definitly a longer chapter and maybe that book will have some meaning but the main message I want to impart is that it’s important to remember how assuming and taking things personally can separate and divide and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will be able to move on. But they are just words unless you actually put them in action.

We can’t go around every moment doing what I just did…hell, we’d never make it through a day… ha ha! But we can go back later and clean things up, let go and move on.

Thank you for reading and I do hope it was helpful for you in some way or another.

Please like ( if you do of course), comment and or share. So much appreciation.

Blessings of Light and Love,

❤️

Cindy

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Thegirlwithapuzzledmind
1 year ago

This is such a heartfelt post Cindy. I can feel the emotions. Ask before assume. I am really happy that you took the much needed step to clear things out. ❤️

sloppy buddhist
1 year ago

it’s true for me that my parents brought me back to my girlhood…always good to have said what we need to…I miss my parents very much…so enjoy your father. Sending you joy and peace Cindy ~ off to do my yoga now 💟☮️🕉 smiles hedy

sloppy buddhist
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

I see it now Cindy thank you…my parents were very loving and a lot of work at end of life…the most profound experience was witnessing my fathers death and dying story…just love them. I know you do ☺️❣️🙋‍♀️

Ananda
1 year ago

So heartwarming to read this Cindy. we all have things that we cling onto. In the letting go of which. We discover the uplifting spirit of something deeper than love, wider than forgiveness. Just the bare natural beauty of an unburdened being

Ananda
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Yes, i got both your responses now 🙂

Ingrid
1 year ago

It sounds like you both had a learning experience born out of an uncomfortable incident. What a blessing to have that! Thank you for sharing it with us 🙏 I was back in the family home for a week not long ago, and a week is about my limit. Perhaps something I need to work on too!

Era
Era
1 year ago

such an heartfelt post, Cindy 💙

Era
Era
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

anytime 💛

Rishika Jain
1 year ago

Love this, Cindy!

Rishika Jain
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

🤗❤

writerdiva2005
1 year ago

Beautiful story, Cindy! What courage, vulnerability, and strength. This is how we change and heal our past in the present moment. I was told and believe that the woman is truly the spiritual leader in the home. Bravo, sister!

Dulcy Singh
1 year ago

Enjoyed thoroughly 👍👍

Eliza
1 year ago

💕🤗

Kumar Harsh
1 year ago

Wow Cindy. So brave of you to face your issues. The community is so blessed to have read this piece of your mind. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to cope up with the feelings you had when you were a child. I am deeply sorry for what might have gone through you. But after reading this I can admire of what you have become. A loving, caring and accommodating parent to your kids. You gave them what you missed out and that’s so courageous Cindy. You made a choice to be better and you have become better. This has made me respect you even more than before. Warm hugs and love Cindy. 😘😍😇

Kumar Harsh
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Check Cindy. 😇

Beck
1 year ago

This is a great post. It’s amazing how much we bury. We all do our best— I really believe that. It’s just sometimes our best stinks.
It’s so nice that you were able to talk it through with your dad.
Healing, no matter how small or large, is such a blessing. ❤️

Yernasia Quorelios
Yernasia Quorelios
1 year ago

♡ No Chance, No Randomness, No Coincidence; just Our CHOICES!!! and Our DECISIONS!!!

…♡♡♡…

Kris Bobier
Kris Bobier
1 year ago

Cindy,

I enjoy your posts.

I have been meaning to reply to you since your first post about the difficulty with your dad. You had mentioned something about him refusing to make plans for his aging life, and by him not making plans it means you will be making decisions for him at a very difficult time.

You may remember many years ago one of our sessions. It all centered around my dad. He was always a difficult person. We just didn’t know it growing up because it is all we had known.

As my parents moved into their early 90s, (living in a 2 story house in Denver, with the one full bathroom on the second floor) I tried so many times to get them to have a plan. All they said was that they weren’t going to leave their house. That’s fine I told them. But that means making plans for getting help, perhaps doing a little remodel to get a bathroom and bedroom on the first floor, etc. Nope. They said they were fine.

They were fine, until they weren’t.

My dad went into a difficult time with dementia. My mom remained powerless to challenge him. She was so tired of taking care of the house, doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning. And then my dad fell and broke his hip. And that’s when my mom called my sister in Phoenix and me here and said she was so scared about when he would get out of rehab because she just couldn’t take care of him and she wanted to move to assisted living.

Because the move was now being done in a hurried crisis situation there were not a lot of choices. It was awful and ugly and hard.

My mom died 7 months later.

We realized how far into dementia my dad had strayed now that he didn’t have Mom to prop him up. A hurried move to a memory care unit. Which turned out to be a nightmare. Then a move to a much better memory care facility. He died 9 months after my mom.

There were terrible battles between my sister and me (medical agents) and my niece (financial agent).

It was an ugly dysfunctional time. I will always have regret. But the people around me who love me continue to remind me that I did the best I could given the players. The only thing I could have done ‘better’ would have been to move to Denver and live with them. So somebody’s quality of life had to be sacrificed and I chose not to sacrifice mine.

This turned into a bit of a catharsis for me. But you should know that everything you are doing for your dad right now is marvelous and wonderful and I hope you are able to see that and that you don’t have regrets or ‘play back the tapes of I should have…’

And …. you and your husband can start on making your own plan for the ugly part of aging so that you get to make your own decisions and your kids don’t have to do all the heavy lifting.

If you don’t already know about Elder Care Specialists, then take a look at their discipline. I hired one in Denver. I hired one who specialized in helping adult children who were out of state. She was marvelous. She knew the system. Everything going on with us was not anything new to her. My niece and my sister were against having her on board so I hired her privately for myself. Her website is compasscaresforseniors.com. It’s a good website and gives a thumbnail sketch of what elder care specialists can do for a person and their family.

I really appreciated the post about back exercises.

Keep breathing.

-kris bobier

>

marlene ford gf Sesse
marlene ford gf Sesse
1 year ago

Dear Cindy,
So brave of you to share. And so helpful ,such insight. Once we face the monsters ,and confront the issues it is so healing and frees us up to get on with life. I’m sure you have heard the saying. “When the student is ready the teacher appears “ Keep up the good work. Your posts are so encouraging for all of us.
So glad you had the opportunity to clear the air with your father and you and your children were able to connect with him on a more intimate level..

I am sure your book will be an interesting read.

Blessings,
Maelene

Muralikrish
1 year ago

I love this post, Cindy. Great story.
Forget and forgive would bring amazing relationships.
If weren’t ready to forget those past, we won’t have anything in our life.
Thanks for sharing.

Muralikrish
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Reader is already enabled. You can get my posts there. I posted an article yesterday. It’s available over there. Please check.
The post title: What is productivity

Muralikrish
1 year ago

Ha..ha..👌👍. Thank you very much.

Ladysag77
1 year ago

What a great real life example you’ve highlighted here. It’s important to exercise our new life skills in all our relationships especially the original ones, with our family. It’s a very challenging situation at times. I definitely have my moments with my own, especially since we’re cohabitating. That’s just one more reason to love Don Miguel’s book because it’s such an honest and true blueprint for life. I really love your personal touch in this, it’s so heartfelt and relateable❤

Ladysag77
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Yes yes YES, hugs and ❤ back atcha🥰

Joel Abakah
1 year ago

“Assumptions are made and most assumptions are wrong”~ Albert Einstein
Assumptions can cause so much unnecessary tension when we could simply ask and know for sure what it is we’re assuming. I’m glad you cleared things up with your Dad. All that was needed was an open and honest and straightforward conversation.
You see how old wounds you thought you healed came back? That’s just a fixated illusion we turn into reality to shut down our problems, so when we get one chance at doing things right, it all comes rushing back.

Thanks for sharing. I learnt a lot from this, Cindy 💚

Joel Abakah
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

You shared, I learned, we learned. Thank you too Cindy.

Olivia Ava
1 year ago

I really appreciate this lovely post. I enjoyed reading this post. Thanks

Marsha
1 year ago

This is such an important conversation, Cindy. Thank you for sharing so candidly. The fact that you were able to get it out on the table and discuss it means that it will probably come up as an issue less and less often. When it does, you can both identify it more quickly and put a stop to the escalation. Super post. 🙂

Marsha
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

You too, Cindy. 🙂

PoojaG
1 year ago

I am so glad you and your dad were able to talk about what happened and clear things up. Unfortunately, like you said when we bottle things up they often come out all at once and make the matter more difficult. However, the best thing to do is just talk about it and work things out rather than make assumptions about the situation which can lead to more problems.

PoojaG
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

You’re very welcome 😊💖

Nawazish
1 year ago

This is so well written Cindy! When we assume things we hurt only ourselves first and then by our action others. It’s always good to clear out the air!❤❤

jonicaggiano
1 year ago

Good for you Cindy for talking about the issue and finding resolution before things got too out of hand. I too lived with two elephants in the room, drunken elephants that were very abusive, so I understand what you are talking about. I would say this however, my mom was sober after my dad died and two years later she killed herself. I miss my mom. I was in my twenties and had a three year old daughter. So I am glad you worked it out. It is a blessing to have the time to work things out. I would love to have a cup of coffee with my mom and talk about her life. I never got an opportunity to do that so I am glad you do and did. Love 💕 Joni

jonicaggiano
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

You are so welcome my friend. You are stronger than you think I bet and it took courage to confront the situation. Good for you. Great post. Looking forward to reading more. Love 💕 to you. Joni

jonicaggiano
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Amen to that. Be blessed my friend. Love ❤️ Joni

aruna3
1 year ago

Nice and funny post❤

aruna3
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Most welcome,my dear Cindy!!

Piyush Gulati
1 year ago

This post is so relatable. Assumptions in life can lead to a lot of disasters like misunderstandings, false expectations, heartbreaks etc. It is very important to stay connected with the reality.
Great post. Stay blessed and keep writing Cindy 💖✨

Piyush Gulati
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Amen and thank you for your kind wishes 🙌😊

Janis
1 year ago

Oh, this went straight to my heart.
I am glad that you were able to clear things up and move on. I hope it’s permanent and you’ve settled everything finally…

I believe it’s always like that for adult daughters and their dads. Although we’re older and are grown ups, we always revert to the once young girl who is waiting for the father’s approval. This happens to me every time. My parents and I attend the same church and my father is a higher level official. I am one of the junior preachers, but I wasn’t new to the gig. He would sometimes contradict me while teaching which is so odd. In my head, I want to tell him like, ‘why do you question me all the time, I actually had Masters in Theology and you’ve got Bachelor’s only’ — but of course I would not say that verbally… it’s just the bratty daughter in me who wants to throw fits and cry. I keep quiet in these situations. He doesn’t know that I get embarrassed or that he undermines the authority that our church has given me by treating me like a child.

There’s one time during Covid, my cousin who is a nurse asked for my advice since she got infected and was asked to work again after 10 days without being re-tested. Her husband (also a nurse working at the same place) and son were exposed to her but they were treated like it’s regular program. Her husband still worked while having body malaise, untested.

I was the HR Manager of that company that’s why they came to me — not because I am some kind of Covid guru… I was instructing my cousin as to what she should do and say… but she is afraid to speak up and fight for her rights, she said she’s scared to get fired… I know firsthand that their boss is a reasonable man — but you need to reason… otherwise, he will take advantage of their meekness. Because that’s who he is. He gives to those who asked.. if you’re kind, you’d be forgotten.

I was explaining that to them on zoom because I have worked with the guy for 15 yrs… I know that person too well. My father shouted at me again in front of my cousin (his direct niece) and her husband saying I shouldn’t interfere… when they came to me for advice! My father wants me to directly talk to my former boss which is weird because I no longer work there.

I was about to cry because because although they were in zoom, my sisters were physically with me and I can see that they pitied me. My mom, as always took him to the room and nagged him about it. According to my mom, my father told her that he’s always seen me so strong and my cousin is weak. I should fight for her. I told her she is 32 years old. I have been fighting with that businessman since I was 25! and I was young and naive back then. My father thinks everyone is weak but me. Apparently, it is a compliment. He thinks so highly of me that I can do almost anything. But he doesn’t know that I get tired of doing things for everyone. It’s time for others to fight for themselves.

We didn’t talk because if ever, it’s like the nth reconciliation. I am not mad at him. I just wished he would stop treating me like a child. I can’t even say that because that’s not how you treat a child.

OMG Cindy, this has become so long.

Janis
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Dear Cindy,

Thanks for your reply. It was kind and understanding. I don’t usually talk about this with any of our friends because I don’t want to appear like I was vilifying my father because that wasn’t my intention. He is kind and selfless although the one I have shared earlier may be his only weakness, as a person, as a Christian.

I know that wisdom is not gained based on one’s degree. I know that I still have so much to learn… I defer to him when I have a sermon that I can’t seem to direct to that point I wanted it to go. I do acknowledge his authority and wisdom over me…

Thanks for allowing us to vent (hehe) via your thread. It’s quite cathartic.

I was in tears when I was reading your reply because what you said is definitely true. But you are right, we have to sort it out. I love my father of course, hence the perpetual dream to please him…

I know that the feeling of being responsible for everything and everyone is draining and at the same time, not empowering the ones who are in real need…with that, I am also adopting NMP when need be.
Thank you Cindy for your well-wishes.
I wish you the best and good luck on the book!

Yours,
Janis

Janis
1 year ago

Thanks a lot Cindy. I will keep you posted and will truly keep your advice on trying to have “that” conversation with him…

Gottfried
1 year ago

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. 😁

craig lock
1 year ago

Reblogged this on Say Yes to YOUR Potential.

thereluctantpoet
1 year ago

Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.

thereluctantpoet
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

You are so very welcome, My Dear! Always a pleasure to read and share your words and posts with followers!
xoxo
😘💕😁🌹

Jonathan Caswell
1 year ago

Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
SOUNDS REALLY GOOD!

Jonathan Caswell
Reply to  Cindy Georgakas
1 year ago

Yuppers! <3

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