Month: September 2020

When you Assume and you take something Personal;

You make and Ass out of U and Me. ASS U ME

Last week I wrote about Miquel Ruiz’s Book on the 4 Agreements If you recall. You can always go back to my post and read it or even google it if you are interested. It’s a short book with lots of pearls of wisdom.

You might remember that there was some tension between my Dad and I when he was evacuted and stayed with us for the week.

The truth is it brought me back to being 10 years old and feelings I had thought I had resolved long ago came front and center, smacking me in the face and took me to that wounded little girl. I do NOT like those feelings trust me and the part that really bothered me was catapulted back in time like a ship lost at sea. I’m also working on a teaching memoir which shattered all of my ideas that I had some knowledge to impart.

The main thing was, that he was safe, he was able to create a relationship with my kids in a deeper way and we shared moments that we missed out on when I was a kid, since my parents divorced when I was 13. That was a gift and we had some wonderful moments. My 90 year old client stayed after a session with me and had coffee with my Dad on the deck and as it turned out they lived on the same street, Washington Street, in San Francisco but on opposite sides of each other. My client on the wealthy side and my Dad the other where they tried to make ends meet. They both played tennis and recounted story after story of mutual friends, tennis players, pros, places etc. It turned out my client went to the same high school as my Aunt, my Dad’s sister, and were only a year a part.

My mom dropped by and they always pick up where they left off without a missed beat talking and laughing about the past and the future of my brother who has mental health issues.

The elephant continued to be in the room and while I know my Dad would have side stepped the whole issue as most men do, I can never let bygones be bygones until I put them to rest. I really didn’t want to spend the time rehashing old issues etc. but I couldn’t sit any more in this fake sense of normalcy which was all too familiar growing up. Finally, I said “Dad, let’s talk about what happened the other night”. In true fashion he said “Oh, that’s over”, (it was about being disappointed in me for not hearing the phone ring and answering right away) if you recall. I said “Dad, it’s important that I understand where you were coming from, because it’s not over for me”. The first 10 minutes were spent trying to avoid the subject which was the usual denial I was so familiar with growing up, yet seething inside because things were swept under the rug.

Finally, after much digging and pinning him down it turns out he ASSUMED I was avoiding him and didn’t pick up the phone. I didn’t hear the phone and called him as soon as I could. Of course, I was avoiding him to burn in the fire. LORD have mercy. Ha ha! The next problem was, I took it personally as though I had done something wrong and couldn’t stand his disapproval. Look how quickly a small incident gets blown out of proportion when we assume and take things personally.

As soon as we got this sorted through, we were able to clean up the mess we created and let it go. Feelings I thought were once healed opened like a flood gate inside and I was a babbling brook, uncontrollable as he sat not quite knowing what had just happened. Wounds reopened and were cleansed deeper which is often what happens when an old trigger comes up. This surprised me as much as it did him. He sat most likely thinking his daughter was now going crazy too but when things are pushed down they can either errupt or create seething and unresolved emotions that show up in a mirage of other ways. I told him things he never knew about me and he appologized for not being there for me growing up.

We had an opportunity to clear things up and move on. This is definitly a longer chapter and maybe that book will have some meaning but the main message I want to impart is that it’s important to remember how assuming and taking things personally can separate and divide and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will be able to move on. But they are just words unless you actually put them in action.

We can’t go around every moment doing what I just did…hell, we’d never make it through a day… ha ha! But we can go back later and clean things up, let go and move on.

Thank you for reading and I do hope it was helpful for you in some way or another.

Please like ( if you do of course), comment and or share. So much appreciation.

Blessings of Light and Love,

❤️

Cindy

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