Happy Monday Everyone,
I woke up 3 nights ago in the middle of the night to a memory of Alice, a dear client/friend that has been gone for 12 years now. She lives forever in my heart. She was such an amazing lady and I am so grateful to her daughter in law, one of my dearest friends and her son for the gift of hiring me to work with her. She was a force to be reckoned with and I am so honored to have shared so many special years of her life.
The below is a true story.
Every time I hear the chimes on my phone, I see your face.
They rang everyday at the same time and was your reminder to take your medication. Towards the end when life became such a struggle, I would turn to you and say “It’s God calling are you ready to go”? You would smile and say “I’m getting there” and you didn’t even believe in God!
You were so winded but day after day we walked and you made good improvements but with COPD, it became a losing battle. As we climbed the hill, you were slower and we had to stop more often to rest.
Watching your decline was hard and I so wanted to let you off the hook, but onward we trudged. The chimes would go off and I would say “It’s God calling are you ready to go”? and we would chuckle. As the stairs got too much and the hill too steep to climb, we would just walk on flat land. The chimes would ring and I would say “It’s God calling are you ready to go”? This time you would answer “Jesus, Joseph and Mary, yes”. But still we walked. Our walks turned into circles in the house and you commanded me to sit.
I’ll never forget bringing Ram Dass’s book, “Still Here” and reading it to you and your beautiful face full of lines and expression and childlike wonder, would light up. Sometimes we would walk a little and as time progressed it went from sitting with you to lying in your bed and reading Ram Dass’s book, and we would talk about death and dying and what it all meant. When the chimes would ring I would say “It’s God calling are you ready to go”? You would say “Hell yes, but keep reading”. Sometimes I was able to say “well it’s not time yet and I’m going to get fired if we don’t get up and one of your kids sees me lying in bed with you”. We would laugh and cackle like school girls getting away with something. You asked me to order that book for you and you read it everyday when you were by yourself. I was so impressed because here you were at 86 opening to new ways of thinking which you would have never entertained in your lifetime before.
We took our sessions to the bed but I was still able to drag you out to move a little most days. One day the chimes went off and I said my usual “It’s God calling are you ready to go”? and you said “I’m so ready” and I too knew the days were drawing close. I tried to help you up but so wanted to just let you stay in bed because it took all of your effort to get up, but I knew if you were around longer, you needed to be strong for your daily activities, so I helped you up. You sat at the edge of the bed, looked me in the eyes and said “thank you for everything, I could never have done it without you. You were here for my every need”. The room stood still, tears ran down my face, my heart burst open with happiness and sadness all at once.
When I left that day, I wanted to bake you a cheesecake; The same one you gave me the recipe for and baked for me, but I was too busy that day, so I bought one instead and brought it with me the next day when I arrived. You had stopped eating now because it was too much effort. I told you to stick out your tongue and close your eyes and I put a drop of cheesecake on your tongue because it was your favorite. I actually lied and said I baked it for you and you shook your head and puckered up your face and said “no, this isn’t my cheesecake”. We laughed but I felt so bad because I wanted to give you something sweet that you had given me in your last days but it seemed my presence of just laying with you, reading and stroking your head softly was the sweetness you actually needed. I knew the end was near and I planned to spend the night with you and sleep in your bed but with 4 kids and a full client load to see, I fell asleep at home and never made it.
In the morning when I returned, I came into the house and I heard your phone ringing and you were in bed. I said, “It’s God calling are you ready to go”?
But you didn’t answer; you had already gone.
I layed with you one last time and held you while I sobbed.
And now when I hear the chimes I set on my phone everyday, I think of you and the memories we shared. I’m not ready to go yet but you’re the first one I want to see when God calls me.
(my dear friend, Alices Daughter in law actually called me in the morning to let me know she had made her transition and then I went over for my final closure). I am forever grateful for that call.
Copyright © Cindy GeorgakasAll Rights Reserved
If you don’t know Ram Dass, he was formerly known as Richard Alpert and was a Harvard Professor and psychologist who explored LSD and other hallucinogens Timothy Leary, a colleague. He traveled off to India and studied with Neem Karoli Baba (Hindi: नीम करौली बाबा) or Neeb Karori Baba (Hindi: नीब करौरी बाबा) (c. 1900 – 11 September 1973), known to his followers as Maharaj ji, was his Hindu guru and a devotee of the Hindu deity Hanuman.
Ram Dass, also known as Baba Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, psychologist, and author. He was given his name by his Guru. His best known book, “Be Here Now”, has been described as “seminal”, and helped popularize Eastern spirituality and yoga with the baby boomer generation in the West. Wikipedia
Full name: Richard Alpert
Be Here Now was one of the first books I remember reading on my spiritual path which one of the first of it’s kind and quite profound.
Still Here came after his stroke which is a story about dealing with loss of function and the challenge of now needing others to help him in the way he helped others. He also discovered his core root was still the same through his stroke and lived in grace.
Thanks for visiting today. Remember you are stronger than you know, blessed beyond measure and more sacred with every passing day. Life is a short journey, make everyday count as you never know when you will take your last breath. Reach out and touch someone.
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