I sit and wait day after day for your call after calling so many times. I’ve left messages and texts and still no word at all. I worry but I know you’re fine. I mean right? Someone would have told me otherwise,
Sure you’re just in your own world which doesn’t include mine. I’m sad of course. I wait patiently and twiddle my thumbs. Days turn into weeks, weeks to months and underneath I seethe and my blood boils oozing out of my skin. I write notes, journal, pretend I don’t care, well I don’t. I’m done with you, and not talking to you anymore. Why should I subject myself to such abuse when it’s clear, you don’t care at all. I’m moving on with my life and taking care of me.
Wait, what? You’re coming home? Tonight? Really? What time? What do you want for dinner? I can’t wait to see you!
Hello, what’s up?
of course it’s your favorite meal.
What? You missed your flight? You’re not coming home after all?
No worries. I love you. I don’t care…….much.
And such is the life of a mom.
It’s almost Mother’s Day, I wonder if she’ll remember?
Actually, she made it … YAY and we didn’t really know until the other night but she’s here in the flesh and I’m not going to let her go! ❤️.
And look what she brought back with her for me……From my friend and yours, our fellow blogger, Kumar Harsh direct to you from India:
I tried many of times to order his book online but I couldn’t get it shipped to the USA. Kumar’s friend lives in New York as does my daughter and thanks to her boyfriend, Kumar of course and his friend, it’s in my hot hands now and I’m sooooo happy. When his friend was home for his wedding in India he packed a couple of books in his suitcase for me when he got back to N.Y.C.
Thank you soooo much my dear friend. Kumar would NOT take any money much to my chagrin or the Iphone and Ipod I had for him but he did take this tiny red truck for his collection. We are so laughIng over this. And he even signed it for me. I am truly touched!!
And forever more I will call you Harsh as signed in my book.
I will do a proper reveiw on his book later after I savor every word.
Life is precious enjoy those you love and whatever you do:
Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy even when it’s so clear it’s time for them to move on. You always want one more day, one more moment, one more kiss, one more whisper of I love you, One last meal.
It became clear that Harry’s time had come after cancelling 4 appointments to euthanize him. We came to terms with the fact that we needed to do it soon so we scheduled it so the kids could be here for our final day together and share one last day with him.
The kids were due to arrive Saturday and our vet we have had for years who has euthanized more pets than I like to remember was planning to come over so we could be at home and enjoy one more day together until out vet came but those were the best layed plans.
Life rarely happens the way we plan;
Babies come before their birth date,
death comes knocking at our door before we’re ready.
There’s no preparation
or school that teaches us how to deal with the fragility of life.
It’s only walking into it, where we learn how to navigate,
while the boulders come crashing down upon us
and leave us in the depths of despair even if and when we think we’re ready.
Savor the moments while they’re here;
Reach out and tell those you love them how much they mean to you.
Never take for granted what you think might come tomorrow because as we plan tomorrow it very well
might not be what we expected,
if it comes at all.
Out of no where Harry took a turn and it was clear the time was NOW. We called our vet and put him in the car with his brother Hunter the H & H team and off we drove. He loved his car roads and we have had many over the years packed like sardines in the car for road trips. My son prepared a final meal of steak and chicken his favorite. Our vet Mr. Bill came out to the car and as he sedated Harry, Harry enjoyed every morsel of his meal.
There is never the perfect time to say goodbye but putting off the inevitabe for a picture perfect ending is only a script in a movie.
He has been lame for 2 years now. First with his front legs and we used wheels for him for his back legs. When his front legs started to go, we got a help em up harness which he’s used ever since. Still he could swim with help, go on stroller rides daily and always loved every meal and treat.
We have been his arms and legs and he always told us what he needed when he needed to go out to go to the bathroom etc. No matter how much relief it was to sleep all night without getting up or leaving our chair umpteen times to cater to his needs, we are still so sad but his memories live on in our heart and we chuckle at so many fun memories. Harry was a beach comber and ran up to people and stole their sandwiches but he was so darn cute they couldn’t get too mad. He loved food and even would try to get in the litter boxes to eat the cat poop. GROSS!
His favorite activity was chasing the ball which he could do for hours and he wouldn’t let it go. His back condition was a heredity condition and his mother and sister died paralyzed as well. He may have exasperated his condition by his running after the ball and long hikes.
It’s empty here without him and quiet and it was so nice to sleep in for the first time in 2 years and not be up and down. It was a constant interruption but we miss hearing him bark and bossing us and his sweet love he gave us.
I will be your arms and your legs when you can’t move and carry you through the desert and across the rivers and sea. I will love you enough to take you with me wherever we go and I will love you enough to let you go when it’s time.
Right after I was scheduled for my 1st vaccine so the day came with a double prick. One event that took me down and one that looks promising to keep me and others protected. No side effects but a sore arm I’m happy to say.
If you have to get a prick, Stanford Unniversity in Palo Alto, Ca is a beautiful place to be. There’s no line up on the court for basketball, only people waiting in line for Covid vaccines.
The kids came down Saturday and we had a celebration of his life and told many stories through tears and prayers and buried him with his ball which was a nice closure. We had to go 6 feet down, cover him with rocks and wire and even threw in some lye since the coyotes have been visiting so much so there’s about 0 chance of him digging him up.
Hunter sat in the field the whole time we buried him on look out duty for the coyote. He’s a little out of sorts at the moment as he continues looking around the room and sniffing for him. We all sat in our yard by the pool remembering how much Harry loved to swim after the pool and had a nice meal in his memory,
I know lots of you aren’t animal people and I’ve been posting so much about animals lately but continue to support me and I’m very grateful for your support!
Happy Monday and have a great week!
Many Blessings of Love,
Please remember to like (if you do of course, comment and or share if you are inclined.
Whatever you’re going through, remember the ebb and flow of life. Savor the moments, find shelter when it’s too much to bare, stop and let the water cleanse your soul. Life is cyclical and remember nothing lasts forever so slow down long enough to let it imprint on your soul.
It is with a heavy heart, we will say goodbye to Harry this weekend after so many times we’ve already almost said goodbye. He is a trouper and I appreciate all of your kind support and being a cheerleader for him when we thought his last days might be before Thanksgiving. Your wishes and love have helped sustain us and we have gotten to enjoy him for almost 5 more months, so thank you for all of your love and concern. It’s time but it’s never easy to say goodbye to a family member you have loved so deeply. He has lived an amazing life. I’m sure you’ll see him again for a final tribute.
Love and blessings to you today and all of those you love,
Please remember to like( if you do of course), comment and or share if inclined.
Hope you had a great weekend! A couple of you noticed I wasn’t here to wish you a Fun Fri-Yay. Thanks for noticing, it means a lot. It was one of those weekends that was a whirlwind that make you re-evaluate what fun is. We all know fun is what you make it and I did find moments but I’m re-evaluating my time and what I can actually do verses what I want to do. Life is rich and full of choices and there are only 24 hours in a day. DARN! 🤣
AM I HAVING FUN YET?
This post is an array of things, thoughts, poems, rants etc. Just giving you fair warning in case you wonder what the point is or where it’s going. I DON’T know……YET! Ahhhh the unknown of life.
This was a poem I wrote last year before the coyote decided to take up residence. I changed the ending.
Our palm tree with vivid electric orange nuts, I dare not eat
A safe haven for shade and shelter
Squirrels gather for winter nights
Rats make nests out of leaves for babies
Owls keep watch and score varmints in the field
The Cooper hawks learn to fledge and take flight while they whistle
Cats chase to the top in delight but come up empty
So much for the raters, I thought they would be.
This is the rhythm to the day and circle of life that sustains my waking moments
Well that is, until Mr. Coyote changed all of that and instead awaits dinner of our cats tucked inside while eating nutsfrom our palm tree
And swimming in my pool hoping for a feast.
Our morning starts out everyday with the coyote visiting, looking for breakfast, ie (our cats), it’s acutally eating our nuts from our palm tree…. go figure. Cats are safely inside and sadly can’t go out much at all. Hunter goes ballistic and we wait until it’s gone to let him out. He scours the property to make sure of it and gets his exercise on 4 acres sniffing him out, patiently waiting and ready to pounce on his next visit. Sure enough at one point, the coyote is back and Hunter chases him off and usually doesn’t leave the property but does on occasion. My heart always stops until he makes his safe return. NOK On Wood he continues to. (check out this cool bracelet company my son has). There’s no help from the town or support from the neighbors because they care more about the wildlife than they do about the safety of our animals which unnerves us to be honest. I was finally relaxing in the hot tub in broad day light and who should stick his head up but Mr. Coyote. I missed my up close and personal photo shot, because I sceamed and the sight of my nakedness, most likely had him running. 🤣
Scat from the coyote, mountain lion paw prints? Too small for coyotes. I’m tracking all of this for the town since I have to build a case to get help or someone has to get hurt before they help.It’s not normal for them to come so many times in broad daylight.
We baby sat our daughters cat, Cassian for a week while she was on spring break and finally got him acclimated to the others domaine and out of the hovel of a room he usually stays in. The ever evolving doors of coming and going in our house is always under construction. We are trying to put a gate up for safety but that is another bone of contention with the town because wild life should be free to roam. Don’t get me started. Cassian is a biter like my daughter, so she gets some of her own medicine and unfortunately, so do we when dealing with him. It was a zoo around here and everyone got well aquianted. The hissing has subsided and some games are now underway and territorial aggresion, determing who is the Alpha. It’s clear Ollie the Queen, rules the roost. Hunter is docile and only holds court when needed. So this took the majority of time this week. We could have left them all alone to duke it out for themselves but we would have come back to who knows what. We turned down 2 appointments to euthanize Harry because we just couldn’t do it and his is doing well at the moment. You know if you have a pet or have had to put one down how hard it is. We know we’re getting closer but he’s our family member and he still loves eating and drinking and stroller rides.
Cassian and Star our feral above doing well. Ollie the Queen says “hey this is my domaine”. Posturing, bossing and boom get’s nailed. Now who’s boss. Lol. Cassina isnfully acclimated as you can see! Guess whos’ coming to dinner.Harry gets the white plate and silver spoon, Ollie did find a gopher and now we have to teach Cassian table manners.
In the midst of all of this Marsha from Always Write (do check out her amazing site) sent me some things about her cats and we got to talking about litter boxes so I uploaded this litter box YouTube video of a litter box system I actually love. This was actually fun and crazy to do in my already too busy day. Bed head hair and P.J’s but I don’t care…. well, I do but I can’t be bothered.
You’ll need a bigger litter box to sit underneath this one but that’s it. 24 inches should do the trick.
Kiln Dried Pine Pellets and a 24 inch puppy pad and a 24 in cat litter box or plastic container out of that. They are currently out of stock but have a larger size available. DON’T use the tray and pads it comes with because it will cost you lots of money for replacement pads and the pellets are horrible and don’t work or absorb urine. Simply use the tray for breakfast in bed for you and your kitties. 💖
I know you have grown to know me as the postitive, motivational person that you look to for inspiration, so sorry if I am bursting that bubble, but life is the same for all of us and it’s stepping one foot in front of the other, trudging through and sometimes sailing to get where we’re going. It’s raw and real, ectasy or drudgery on any given day. Remember, no matter who you are; we are all the same in having to put one pant leg in and then the other as we dress for the day. So next time you go thinking if only I was ______ (fill in the blank) or had _______(X, Y or Z) The grass isn’t always greener but pastures are made by getting out your plough and tilling soil.
There are obstacles and it’s how we deal with them that matters.
Centering, clearing debris from our minds and our bodies to make pathways for what we want is a daily occurance. There are times you just want to put your head in the sand, but eventually you will have to face the music, so come out of hiding and find the song in your heart and sing it no matter how good or bad it is!
A plan of action and staying mindful of your time and what you want is vital to having what you want or you will get swept into the abyss. We all need time. Time to reflect, time to impliment, time to schedule the things that need to be done, time to dream and time to chillax. Otherwise, we end up spinning our wheels getting nothing done or fragments of pieces of things done, but not what our intended outcome is, only feeling fractured in the end.
With that said, I am moving to 1-2 posts a week and really going to try to keep to it if possible (Yes, I’m a WP addict but I can think of a lot worse). My client load is increasing again and I think we will even be starting massage in May. My newsletter has taken a backseat to my W.P. because I love my interaction with all of you here which truly is enriching and I want to be able to connect with all of you and see what you’re up to as well.
I’m changing to self hosting which is a wait and see and here goes nothing approach. We shall see how it goes but I’m following my kids advice and using my daughter’s boyfriends friend’s company. Fingers and toes crossed it all goes ok. Please let me know if you find issues.
And finally a song I love to get me through the day. You can see I’m late today and it will almost be Tuesday by the time it goes out. Not staying in optimum posting times, just trying my best today and that’s all I’ve got. And some days that’s enough, it has to be. Good enough is ok!
P.S. In my next life, I’m coming back as a coyote or one of my dogs or cats. 🤣
Make it a GREAT DAY!
And Yes, I’m finally having fun singing this song!
Thanks so much for visiting. This quote was inspired when I read something Ingrid from Experiments in Fiction wrote. Do not miss her thought provoking, honest and beautifully thread poetry rich with history and the written word. Thanks for inspiring always Ingrid.
Have a beautiful day and as always, please like (if you do of course), comment and or share if inclined. I’m so grateful of your precious time.
If there was no color, What color would we be? Invisible ink that disappears as soon as it’s written.
Same on the inside as we are on the outside. Different genes, shapes and sizes coming from different countries and nationalities but all wanting the same thing …. peace and harmony.
What color would we be if our eyes couldn’t see? Invisible ink that disappears as soon as it’s written.
Writing a new script and a new path as those before us started… up to us, to continue their legacy.
If there was no color, what color would we be? Invisible ink that disappears as soon as it’s written.
Yellow, black, blue, orange, purple, white, red will all be brown someday. Same on the inside as we are on the outside. All the colors of the rainbow, beautiful and bright, a melting pot of delight.
If there was no color what color would we be? Invisible ink that disappears as soon as it’s written.
Yearning for the same thing; food, shelter, love and peace and harmony. And if our words spoke love, what would happen to our hearts?
What color would we be if our hearts couldn’t see? Invisible ink that disappears from the page.
Wrongs made right where no one gets even. Would the hate disappear and violence and greed? An eye for an eye never brought anyone back. Would the bullying stop, if our colors were one and our preferences honored?
What color would we be if our eyes couldn’t see and our hearts could open in acceptance For every man, woman and creature?
Call me naïve, a hippie at heart How could we remedy the injustices from the very start?
What color would we be if our eyes didn’t see? Invisible ink that disappears as soon as it’s written.
I wish we could go back to when we were young and carefree. Where did we go wrong? What could we have done to rectify the wrongs, from these atrocities?
If there was no color what color would we be? Invisible ink that disappears as soon as it’s written.
That’s who I want to be…. Invisible ink!
Yes, I’m ridiculed for having unrealistic ideals but I’ll continue to hold my head high and my hands open with a hand up, not a hand out for our fellow mankind no matter what color we be.
The world would be boring if our eyes couldn’t see; so honor all of our colors; the rainbows of differences, that give color to our world. There are bad ones and good ones, and it is seen in all races, genders, religions, and countries my new motto is just don’t be an asshole.
I had written this piece within hours of recieving this text from my oldest daughter below. The last line was hers and I just had to add it:
Just found this video again, that I loved sooooo much when our minister at church played it years ago… I think this is the ultimate message that I believe in, and I get frustrated with a country trying to divide us instead of unite us… this is the message I believe in…. thought I’d share with you. I shared this in my classroom years ago, after I saw it, and it terrifies me that it might not be something I could share again for fear of being “canceled” in today’s society… love you! Thought I’d share, so you can see my thoughts versus how you sometimes think of me when we debate, lol
This was where I thought society was heading, and I was always so hopeful, this past year has made me much more cynical.
This was truly heartfelf for me to receive and we go round and round in discussions and things are so jumbled in our world today, it’s been an example of not being able to see the other person or what is going on in their psyche and hearts. It was also validating knowing that church in the young years actually are imbedded in her psyche of love in action.
I sent her my above poem and here was her response back which I just love.
Lovely mama, it’s all about heart, there are bad ones and good ones, and it is seen in all races, genders, religions and nationalities, etc. my new motto is just don’t be an asshole.
I laughed so hard and of course I later sat back and thought about why people have been assholes and what has happened to them in their life to go down this path. There is a lot of reasons for sure and it’s my job to help people uncover and heal the parts of themselves that made them assholes. I’ve been feeling sorry for the coyote laying at my pool and wondering if I could tame him. Oh God I thought, “DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE”.
I LOVE THIS VIDEO and am proud to share it and If it’s politically incorrect and I’m “cancelled”, I’ll take my chances and thank my daughter for sharing it with me.
Have a wonderful day and be your bright colorful bold self! Just DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE! What color would you be if you could choose any one that you love?
I would be purple or mayber blue and purple.
I so much appreciate your time, liking (if you do of course), comment and or share if you’re inclined.
Spring days are here again, the wind up and the the throw
The horsehide hurling through the air the batters heavy blow
It won’t be very long until the stands are overflowing with baseball fans from everywhere who boo and do their crowing
And that is our America and our democracy when one may argue in defeat and smile in victory
Because our baseball represents our human way of living of playing square and asking less, than ever we are giving
There ought to be spring training now for everyone on earth to put us in condition and to help us prove our worth
A Shout Out to My Dad today for all his many talents, this being only one of them.
This is just one of many of the poems my Dad has memorized through the years. He learned this one sometime in the 50’s. My father, Stanley Joesph Cartwright, played semi pro baseball in San Francisco with Sarto’s AC. His father, my Grandfather; Joeseph Leslie Cartwright, played Professional baseball for the Western Leagues, The Pacific Coast Leagues, The Salt Lake City Bees with Tony Lazzeri and in the minor-league baseball for the Mission Reds, a San Francisco-based pro team. In the off season he played against Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Ty Cobb and Jim Thorpe.
Baseball has always been big in our family. I played in an after school softball program in high school, which was short lived. My husband has played all of his life and our kids have been immersed in it all of their lives as well. He coached them all from T-Ball to majors in 8th grade. In 1994 my husband went to baseball fantasy camp that The San Francisco Giants ran, which was a dream come true for him.
Four Kids and their Dad
Four kids and their dad on the baseball diamond, giving hand signals, shouting calls Run, slide, throw, rounding the bases for the winning run.
Pitcher, shortstop, left fielder and catcher, we had one of each. 3 strikes and you’re out and you better not pout. Good sportsmanship was required.
Daddy’s little girls, had him wrapped around their finger, were safe while he and our son had words and arguments while flipping the bird, since he never quite understood he was a surfer by fate. Mom In the stands, cheering them all on, delivering snacks, refereeing, mending wounds, always just missing the catch or the home run and rushing home to get dinner on the table. Who’s on first, second, third or home, it was never clear to her since her job was the schlepper.
Every year they got out of school for Opening Day and even watched their Dad play as a Giant one year at spring training camp with all the Giants greats.
And now they all play on a coed summer softball league when Covid isn’t happening and our son now gives him a run for his money. Coed champions now 3 times in a row and mom shows up with the dogs and watches in the stands.
Well, we lost tonight but the memories live on of better games ahead. I still hear my grandma singing take me out to the Ballgame which is the best part of baseball to me. Sorry, but to me, baseball is the only sport you can fall asleep in and not miss anything, except if you do. My husband argues that you have to understand the nuances of the game and I’m sure he’s right, but it’s beyond me. My favorite thing about the game is getting there late, visiting the amazing vegetable garden with kale and lettuces, walking around, eating peanuts and then leaving early. Lunch at Momo’s after would be ideal or an Irish Coffee at the Buena Vista but that rarely makes the cut.
Cheers to a great season and all of you for being great sports and visiting! Please like ( if you to of course), comment and or share. Have a great weekend however you spend it.