My heart bleeds buckets
as I continue to walk the mountains and think of you
I carry 2 buckets up the hill… 1 for me and 1 for you
I stop to do what I can
some ready for the offering
others lost or there for the taking
I continue to walk
wishing I could do more
but more is never enough
I carry your blood and then more of mine
I pass a wishing well and throw a penny and a blessing
My longing never stops
While I may appear stoic
it’s true ….
If I stop I would be devoid of life…. so I walk
I pause to for a glimmer of hope but move on to
who might need a hand.
Love is sometimes walking away even when your blood bleeds black
Copyright © Cindy Georgakas
All Rights Reserved
I wrote this poem as I was walking up the mountain the other day and thinking about my brother who has lived with schizoid affective disorder for most of his life and is in a psychotic state as I write this. He left his facility and took to the streets last year when Covid started and 4 months later he was able to find housing in a board and care facility with others that suffer from mental illness. He left his next one again on the 4th of July. My heart aches for him and my mother and his adult children; 2 of which have mental health issues as well. One of my nephews is 34 and has lived in a facility for 12 -14 years. My other nephew, 32, lives on the street in Southern California with his mother. Luckily my niece who is the youngest has broken away (kudos to you ) and is working and going to school and left the area but suffers from PTSD.
It is truly heartbreaking to witness and see someone you love live this nightmare and to feel so helpless. I have learned over the years that my own mental health suffers when I get over involved. I have also learned to love from a distance with boundaries which constantly pulls at my heartstrings but is necessary for my well being.
It is particularly difficult being in my field where I help people discover their truths and inner wisdom so I feel particularly helpless. My heart goes out to any of you that suffer from this horrific illness personally or have family members that do. I truly get it and my heart bleeds with yours. Take good care of you, do what you can and know your limits❣️
Thanks so much for visiting today. The world needs us to take such good care of ourselves that we might be a beacon of hope for others. Loving without judgement or attachment is one of the greatest challenges.
Hello! My sister suffers the same. My parents are lame. I’m 22 and too week to locate her to a place she might have similar people like her. I’m seeking advises.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. It’s really tough. My brother finally returned to his living quarters which is good.. It’s tough because there’s only so much we can do. It’s not your job so remember that although I know you love her. Perhaps get some names and numbers and you can offer those when you see her. Even the professionals don’t always know how to handle it. Take good care of you.💖💖💖❤️
It’s really tough. Some past days I was even guilty for laughing around mates.
But now I know, my parents are happier seeing me laugh. Thank you. Take care
You’re sooo welcome and I’m happy to hear that. You’re so welcome… 💖
and I just followed you so that should cheer you up… 🤗 Make sure to stay in touch. And keep writing. 🤗
Your words bleed just like your heart does! Yes, sometimes walking away is the only way to survive. My prayers and thoughts for you dear Cindy, may your brother be in God’s care. Amen.
This is so beautifully worded and true Maria!
Thank you for your astute and loving comment💖❣️❣️
This reminded me of my uncle whom I lost in this Covid. That helplessness its something that breaks you. Thanks for writing this.
Oh I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your uncle. That sure must have been heartbreaking. My blessings go out to you!!!💖🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thanks for your kind words
It’s a pleasure❣️
Beyond words, take care of yourself. Sending loving kindness. Lou
oh thanks so much for your kind words and love loving kindness!❣️
Very moving post l can certainly feel your pain because it is the exact story of my son who has had a diagnosis of schizophrenia most of his adult life and it does affect the entire family and friends. I can only imagine the struggle he goes through every waking hour and as much as I love him I can not heal his pain.when he makes poor choices I have to detach with love that is all that will help him in the long run. Knowing that the power of God protects him and watches over him is the only way I can keep my thought right when he is symptomatic.
Thank you so much Marlene. I’m glad that you felt moved by my post. It’s one thing to be a sister but quite another to be a mother and I truly empathize with the heartache and the struggle he must go through. That’s very astutely said and truly the only thing that you can do is detach with love. It’s so good you have your faith to keep sustain you and provide a solace during the trying times. swnding you love and light from a knowing heart. Take good care of yourself and God Bless you and him💖💖💖
Very well written , I can feel the emotions .. sometimes its really for our own benefit to just walk away.
Thank you so much! You are so write!! I appreciate your visit! 💕
Hugs to you and your family, you have taught me something new today, most of the time society knows very little about mental illness and think even less about how it affects the people around that person who has the illness. The poem is beautiful
Hi there and thanks for the hugs. I appreciate that and you’re so right. It’s a tough path to walk but doable.. I’m truly grateful you enjoyed my poem!💖💖
Wow. I can relate to this poem. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing this. I wish you the best!💖
Very good, creative and slightly endearing
Thanks so much!!💕🌺
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