My heart bleeds buckets
as I continue to walk the mountains and think of you
I carry 2 buckets up the hill… 1 for me and 1 for you
I stop to do what I can
some ready for the offering
others lost or there for the taking
I continue to walk
wishing I could do more
but more is never enough
I carry your blood and then more of mine
I pass a wishing well and throw a penny and a blessing
My longing never stops
While I may appear stoic
it’s true ….
If I stop I would be devoid of life…. so I walk
I pause to for a glimmer of hope but move on to
who might need a hand.
Love is sometimes walking away even when your blood bleeds black
Copyright © Cindy Georgakas
All Rights Reserved
I wrote this poem as I was walking up the mountain the other day and thinking about my brother who has lived with schizoid affective disorder for most of his life and is in a psychotic state as I write this. He left his facility and took to the streets last year when Covid started and 4 months later he was able to find housing in a board and care facility with others that suffer from mental illness. He left his next one again on the 4th of July. My heart aches for him and my mother and his adult children; 2 of which have mental health issues as well. One of my nephews is 34 and has lived in a facility for 12 -14 years. My other nephew, 32, lives on the street in Southern California with his mother. Luckily my niece who is the youngest has broken away (kudos to you ) and is working and going to school and left the area but suffers from PTSD.
It is truly heartbreaking to witness and see someone you love live this nightmare and to feel so helpless. I have learned over the years that my own mental health suffers when I get over involved. I have also learned to love from a distance with boundaries which constantly pulls at my heartstrings but is necessary for my well being.
It is particularly difficult being in my field where I help people discover their truths and inner wisdom so I feel particularly helpless. My heart goes out to any of you that suffer from this horrific illness personally or have family members that do. I truly get it and my heart bleeds with yours. Take good care of you, do what you can and know your limits❣️
Thanks so much for visiting today. The world needs us to take such good care of ourselves that we might be a beacon of hope for others. Loving without judgement or attachment is one of the greatest challenges.