Ending Obsessions

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Do you sit and perseverate about the same subject over and over in your mind, head spinning like a top? Is it common for you to repeat past behaviors, and unproductive thoughts?  Although whatever stimulus has ended, you are practically addicted to repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance.

Obsessions and addictions show up in many different forms.

Whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, women, men, etc., they all are like a constant broken record that you play over and over in your head.  For some recovered addicts, the desire for another drink, cigarette, girl, guy. might never leave, even though you have stayed away from your vices for years.

My one word of advice:  If you’ve never gone down these paths, DON’T!

THEN YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT QUITTING.

Although, this is Easier said than done.

However, since you’re reading this, chances are you are knee deep down the tunnel.

Let’s dissect this further and see if you can make heads or tails out of what’s going on with you.

First of all:

When did all of this start?

Who were you with?

What did it serve you back when you first started?

What were you looking for?

How were you feeling?

What were you hoping for?

When did you notice you were hooked?

What does it give you now?

Do you want to be a victim of your situation or do you want to change?

What will it take to do that?

Ok, so I’ve thrown a lot of questions out without any answers and you might say, “Hey, if I knew the answers I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now or reading your article.  Just tell me what to do.”

The problem is I can’t spoon-feed this to you but trust me I would if I could.

If you skimmed all of those questions, do yourself a favor and go back and take some time answering each one and write them out until you’re done.

If you really want to change it takes dedication and commitment, and this is the first step to clearing out old debris.

All the books, tapes, and lectures will NOT help you unless you actively do the work.

Chances are your answers were a place of self loathing, feeling inadequate, not good enough and wanting to fit in.

Once you see that, you see what this addiction has been trying to protect you from.

The next step is asking “Am I ready to let this go”?

If you’re not, STOP READING!   It’s ok.  Maybe you never really want to change, but are content being a victim and blaming people all of your life which gives your ego some satisfaction of being right.  It’s the booby prize but so be it for now.  But, your addiction will never give you peace and joy.  You obviously haven’t hit rock bottom yet, so wait until you’re ready to make a change once and for all.

When you are ready continue here.

Ask what you really want and write that clearly out with ways to keep you on track when you want to fall back to your old ways.

Make a time line and follow it, “I will do this for one day or one week”, and keep remaking them.

Get a support network.

Hire a life coach, a therapist, get a buddy, join a group, and have an outlet of other things that fill you, so you can draw on when you feel yourself sliding back.

In a nutshell, this addiction has taken over because it has it’s own mind MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY AND YOU HAVE ALLOWED THIS TO GET TO THIS POINT.  BLAME EVERYONE AROUND YOU ALL YOU WANT BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS, YOU ALLOWED THIS TO GET TO THIS POINT and It IS UP TO YOU TO MAKE THE CHANGE.  NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR YOU.

We could go back into your history. Many times it’s important to see how you got to this point in the first place, but only to heal these parts of yourself so you can move forward.  Like a gardener removing weeds from their garden, continue to clear it out, until it’s gone.

Addiction protects us from feeling painful, unwanted emotions. Running away from confronting these sentiments, keeps us from sitting long enough with ourselves to heal. We allow ourselves to live in a vicious circle until we get tired from this crazy making. This adrenaline rush of extreme high and excitement drives us to these places of euphoria, so we don’t have to feel dreaded moods of despair and anxiety.  The very thing we don’t want to feel, keeps us in constant flux and instability because we can’t come face to face with ourselves.

Start cultivating your own interests and find what they are.  Discover what gives meaning to your life and how do you ground yourself to get there?  What activities, people, places and things give your life substance and joy?

What is your bliss without the addiction?

Is it hiking, playing tennis, meditation, yoga, surfing, golfing, dancing, golfing, going to the movies, Bingo, bridge?  Whatever it is make it part of your daily routine.

Breathe, trust the process and seek others that are committed to growth and change as well.

There is another way!

Are you ready?

If so, how have you showed up different this week?

Let me know.

This is free life coaching:-)

Cindy

“Please, Enter and Change?: A New Way of Vewing Falls

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When I fell on my morning walk today, I was reminded of  the song ” When I fall down,  but I get up again” by the songwriter Loblaw. Whether on a run or the daily walk of your life…. shit happens.

Sometimes we fall, we stand up,  brush ourselves off, and are back  in no time at all. Other times we hit the edge head on, and we don’t get up for quite a while.  Of course, it feels much better when we can shake things off and move forward, but perhaps the fall wasn’t enough to get our attention and we find ourselves in the same position again, and again, until we finally get the message the universe is trying to deliver.

Hopefully, we stop for a moment and see where we might need to slow down, pay attention, maybe buy a pair glasses, or make some adjustments in our lives. If we hit that sharp edge and we come face-to-face with life and can’t get up, it takes an enormous act of courage, determination, support, steadfastness and due diligence to hang in there until we can move again.

These things that bring us to our knees in pain, tears, and suffering can feel like an arrow going straight through our heart,  physically or emotionally. Nonetheless , the journey to finding peace is the same.

I think of countless friends and clients who have walked this journey broken with heartache.  Facing a lifetime of torment, yet continuing to get up again.  On the outside  it may not look like someone knows this path,  however, you can never be certain. I’ve been to hell and back and I don’t want to go there again. No matter what you’re facing, how abandoned, neglected, angry, or afraid, you feel,  remember the same journey applies  when you fall: put 1 foot in front of the other and remember the sun will set again, the moon will rise, the flowers will bloom and you will get up again no matter how badly bruised. I have seen countless people prove this time and again and I am in awe by their courage and bravery and honored to be a witness to it, including my own.

IT’S NOT EASY BUT POSSIBLE!.

When I walked into the massage room yesterday, one of my clients was already laying on the table as instructed by the sign outside that asked, “ Please enter change”.  Although I’ve had that sign on the door for as long as I can remember, my client who had also been on the table countless times was the first person who ever looked at the sign and read it from the vantage point of internal changing. She’s going through profound shifts in her life, discovering herself for the first time, and considering  her needs. No wonder it had this impact on her.

What if we saw that sign in our head daily and we contemplated what it would look like for us to have to show up differently to create a different reality within?  There are many signs like these that we are unable to see because we are on automatic pilot going through life.

Walk in your life today with the new eyes.  Slow down, look at what’s in front of you, look at what’s been there all along and start noticing how your  world reflects what you see. Sometimes it  takes dramatic incidents  as a wake up call, for us to finally get these messages of truth.  Forget how long it took you to get back on the trail, and just be grateful that you are. What wants to be rebirthed in you this season?  It is within your reach.

Enjoy your travels of new discoveries and I’ll meet you on the path.

Easter and Passover Blessings,

Cindy