The Precious Gift of Social Media

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The Precious Gift in Social Media

My struggle with social media continues as I wade through posts, making mine, trying to figure out why I’m on Face Book in the first place and what I want to say. I’ve avoided it for this long and swore I would never get on and now in an instant I’m on Instagram and Linked In as well. I missed the window my friends talked about of spying on their kids or seeing what they were up to. 3 of my 4 kids won’t even accept me as a friend now and barely do F.B. anymore since all of us oldies are on it. Go figure. So I can only imagine way back then, they would definitely not want me knowing anything they were up to.
They have moved on to Twitter, Snap Chat and Instagram to get away from us no doubt.

My writing has been my driving force of deciding to sign up, but I’m not certain this is the right forum for that. That and my staffs request of getting on board in the new century. Apparently, I can’t just sign up as a business page anymore without a personal page. Besides, I’m told people want to know what I’m up to before they look at my business page or it looks too promoting.

Well, the truth is I want my business page to be promoting. Isn’t that why you would have a business page in the first place? This all seems a little cat and mouse to me and I’m perplexed and confused by this whole thing which seems like a game where I can’t figure out the rules. And being liked is more important than being who you are, even if someone doesn’t know you but are” your friends.”  Hmmm……. 

In trying to understand the concept more, I asked my son what he thought I should do and how to get my head around this.

He said “Mom, I don’t know what to tell you, it’s the world I grew up in and I don’t like it. But Mom, it’s the way it is”.

Further more, he said, “if you want to know something Google it, you don’t ask people about this stuff, it’s the way the world works now. You can be whoever you want to be. It doesn’t really matter. Say whatever you want to say and you will be portrayed as that even if it isn’t true. He continued to say, I have 2 fictitious accounts”.

Call me old fashion but I come from an era of being who I am matters and I spent a long time to find out who that is. I’m not keen and quick to pretend to be someone else. I rather like who I am. It has taken me a long time to like the person I am today. I’m not interested in being some identity I can turn myself into that I haven’t worked for, for better or worse.
We were a generation whose work ethics mattered, our word was our bond and what we did was an extension of who we were.
We talked about life, our values, we meant in person, talked on the phone, talked about philosophy, ate dinner together, hashed over different opinions.
Worked up the ladder.

In talking to head hunters the new generation wants instant gratification. Where we had one or 2 jobs in our lifetime, they will have 6-10 and furthermore they have to be able to shift gears with the ever changing demands the world is putting upon them. Those of us that don’t make adjustments and change get left behind. As the saying goes “The only constant in life is change.
If they don’t like the terms, they quit and reinvent themselves.
We are now a society that has been immersed in social media for better or worse and in a snap of a finger we can find out anything about any subject or scarily anyone. Leads in business are developed from here and if you don’t know how to navigate these systems, you will be left behind. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place and learning to sift through what is necessary and what isn’t is vital to our peace of mind.

In my struggle to figure this out, I sat in mediation asking the question how can I make peace with this? How do I move forward?
I can delete the whole bloody thing for that matter.

I picked my angel cards because at a time like this they’re as certain as anything else. LOL.

I closed my eyes and asked the question, how do I deal with this social media stuff and picked my card.

The quote Precious Gift was what I drew.

Friendship, family and love are precious gifts. Do not lose sight
of what is most important”.

And so they are.

As I continue to struggle through this process one thing became clear and that is social media does not replace family, friends or relationships and they are meant to be shared and talked to and seen face to face. Not an enigma of our imagination.

We celebrated my son’s 28th birthday last night with 11 of his friends around the table where they sat around the bonfire talking about their lives. The bond they have was so heartwarming to witness. He shared how grateful he was to have such special people in his life and thanked each of us for being an important part of his life and how much he appreciated the support he has gotten from each of us. This birthday dinner was his gift of thanks and giving back to those he loves and cares about. It was so touching we were moved to tears. We are all craving connection and to be understood and this was a testament of friendship that isn’t found on Face Book with 300 plus friends.

One thing became clear and that is my posts will be whatever is important to me and I find value in and will be the real deal for better or worse.

I promise to stay open to change while I hold fast to values that are tried and true and not sell out to what is popular at the moment.

To Precious Moments,

Cindy

Sewing New Seeds of Love of in a Forgotten Garden

 

Disapointment

It isn’t your fault, it just is

Stop and cut bait and DON’T even go there.

And realize it’s them, not you, and move on.

People are not always honorable.

Of course it takes 2 to tango, so look at the part you played so you can learn 

It once and for all; utter the words…

Next!

This cord of confusion is a waste of time.

Move on…

Easy to think, “Oh, I should have, could have, would have…”

No more dwelling and be

Thankful that you are moving in a healthier direction.

  I continue to pick up the phone and hang up before dialing your number. I composed a text for the umpteenth time, and then deleted it before I hit send.

 When I’ve reached out, I’ve been rejected.

Sometimes, I look for the trail that will once again lead to your heart, like Hansel and Gretel, following crumbs.  Nonetheless, the path just breaks.

This compelling need inside swells up and cries, “If you would only respond to me, I could move on.” Only when I pick up my journal, guitar, or uke and write, can it be released.

  However, a gapping hole inside me grows deeper, the problem becomes everyone else’s fault. My mind says  “If they just loved me ” and saw me,  I could release this constant preoccupation with them.  Of course when we have an expectation that someone will save us, we have put the responsibility on them not ourselves to resolve our issue which never works.  

When I get through my day living true to myself, not letting this thought or person have control of me, I feel empowered and yet still dissatisfied.

Why though?

What in me needs the approval of someone else that I will chase him or her at the expense of myself?  How long will I make  something outside of me responsible for my well being, and feel victimized when they don’t meet my expectations, wasting my energy, just so I can be validated?

When did I stop validating myself and why?

When we constantly look for things, people and places outside of ourselves to fill us and validate who we are, we will always be empty.

Next time you pick up the phone or want to reach out to someone; call someone that has always been true to his or her word and honorable. 

Notice, when they get back to you right away, how you feel and how you respond to yourself


We are aware that their instant response is evidence they care. However, when we feel low, with a poor sense of our value truthfully, we question our worthiness of someone to respond attentively. 

There in lies the problem.  

 It’s what you think of yourself that is the problem.

 Do you think “what did I do wrong, what did I say that created them to leave” or “ what did I do for them to not respect me and call me back“.

 You make it your problem but chances are it has nothing to do with you!

 When you have worked all of your life trying to be noticed, abandonment issues run deep, and it takes discipline and practice to be kind enough to you to start living a life with people in it that are respectful and honor you.

 Start today by honoring yourself and doing things for yourself that truly take care of you on a deep level.

 Congratulations for not making that call and hitting the send button.

Life is about “finding peace in our struggles” as was shared so eloquently by a client.

 Now go do something for you; making yourself your own best friend is an interesting experiment.

 Just this morning I went to text and call someone who has not been returning my calls and I thought why would I do that to myself?

 The message is clear: for whatever reason they are not getting back to me.  It could be them or me, but I have tried enough.  I miss what we shared and had, but at this point could I care enough about me? I don’t need to do that to myself because it creates a vicious circle of what I did wrong?  

 Consequently, I texted a dear friend instead, and right away I got a response.  

 I sat for a moment and thought: this is what I want.  I want people in my life that do respond to me and treat me the way I treat them.  

 Some people wouldn’t give any of this a second thought.  They would just drop the person and move on to the next.  However, it’s only us that have issues with abandonment that have self-loathing.

  I remembered instantly being 14 and waiting for my dad to come visit and pick me up, only to be stood up again. The pain of disappointment left me with wounds that are still triggered to this day.  If I were just better, he would have been there for me. 

  So all of my life I have tried to be better with the hope I will have the Sunday visit 45 years ago that I so desperately wanted.  

There are no more tears; they have been mourned a myriad of times. 

 Instead, a realization that I am worthy came over me and I felt a peace inside knowing that I could at least respond to myself lovingly and kindly from now on.  I got out my shovel and headed to the garden with a grateful heart for the new seeds I am sowing.

 Be good to yourself today!

Smiles,

Cindy 

Ending Obsessions

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Do you sit and perseverate about the same subject over and over in your mind, head spinning like a top? Is it common for you to repeat past behaviors, and unproductive thoughts?  Although whatever stimulus has ended, you are practically addicted to repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance.

Obsessions and addictions show up in many different forms.

Whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, women, men, etc., they all are like a constant broken record that you play over and over in your head.  For some recovered addicts, the desire for another drink, cigarette, girl, guy. might never leave, even though you have stayed away from your vices for years.

My one word of advice:  If you’ve never gone down these paths, DON’T!

THEN YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT QUITTING.

Although, this is Easier said than done.

However, since you’re reading this, chances are you are knee deep down the tunnel.

Let’s dissect this further and see if you can make heads or tails out of what’s going on with you.

First of all:

When did all of this start?

Who were you with?

What did it serve you back when you first started?

What were you looking for?

How were you feeling?

What were you hoping for?

When did you notice you were hooked?

What does it give you now?

Do you want to be a victim of your situation or do you want to change?

What will it take to do that?

Ok, so I’ve thrown a lot of questions out without any answers and you might say, “Hey, if I knew the answers I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now or reading your article.  Just tell me what to do.”

The problem is I can’t spoon-feed this to you but trust me I would if I could.

If you skimmed all of those questions, do yourself a favor and go back and take some time answering each one and write them out until you’re done.

If you really want to change it takes dedication and commitment, and this is the first step to clearing out old debris.

All the books, tapes, and lectures will NOT help you unless you actively do the work.

Chances are your answers were a place of self loathing, feeling inadequate, not good enough and wanting to fit in.

Once you see that, you see what this addiction has been trying to protect you from.

The next step is asking “Am I ready to let this go”?

If you’re not, STOP READING!   It’s ok.  Maybe you never really want to change, but are content being a victim and blaming people all of your life which gives your ego some satisfaction of being right.  It’s the booby prize but so be it for now.  But, your addiction will never give you peace and joy.  You obviously haven’t hit rock bottom yet, so wait until you’re ready to make a change once and for all.

When you are ready continue here.

Ask what you really want and write that clearly out with ways to keep you on track when you want to fall back to your old ways.

Make a time line and follow it, “I will do this for one day or one week”, and keep remaking them.

Get a support network.

Hire a life coach, a therapist, get a buddy, join a group, and have an outlet of other things that fill you, so you can draw on when you feel yourself sliding back.

In a nutshell, this addiction has taken over because it has it’s own mind MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY AND YOU HAVE ALLOWED THIS TO GET TO THIS POINT.  BLAME EVERYONE AROUND YOU ALL YOU WANT BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS, YOU ALLOWED THIS TO GET TO THIS POINT and It IS UP TO YOU TO MAKE THE CHANGE.  NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR YOU.

We could go back into your history. Many times it’s important to see how you got to this point in the first place, but only to heal these parts of yourself so you can move forward.  Like a gardener removing weeds from their garden, continue to clear it out, until it’s gone.

Addiction protects us from feeling painful, unwanted emotions. Running away from confronting these sentiments, keeps us from sitting long enough with ourselves to heal. We allow ourselves to live in a vicious circle until we get tired from this crazy making. This adrenaline rush of extreme high and excitement drives us to these places of euphoria, so we don’t have to feel dreaded moods of despair and anxiety.  The very thing we don’t want to feel, keeps us in constant flux and instability because we can’t come face to face with ourselves.

Start cultivating your own interests and find what they are.  Discover what gives meaning to your life and how do you ground yourself to get there?  What activities, people, places and things give your life substance and joy?

What is your bliss without the addiction?

Is it hiking, playing tennis, meditation, yoga, surfing, golfing, dancing, golfing, going to the movies, Bingo, bridge?  Whatever it is make it part of your daily routine.

Breathe, trust the process and seek others that are committed to growth and change as well.

There is another way!

Are you ready?

If so, how have you showed up different this week?

Let me know.

This is free life coaching:-)

Cindy

Chinese New Year of the Ram: Recommit to your Goals

We’re already halfway into the second month of the year.  You’ve set your intention, clarified your goals and made a plan of action but you are falling short of reaching them. Why?  It’s an important question to ask so you can find out what has happened to derail you. Have you clarified the reason that this particular goal is important to you? This is the biggest reason for success or failure.  Without a true desire that is in alignment with your higher purpose or reason to obtain it, it becomes an empty wish.  What is YOUR why?

…..continued from blog..….

The top things I hear people want are to lose weight, get up early, go to bed early, hit the gym, meditate, practice yoga, stop stressing, stop procrastinating, be on time, end a toxic relationship, eat healthier, take their supplements, stop watching so much television, limit screen games and drinking mid-week. Sometimes the list is so long it’s overwhelming.

Pick one and start with that! After clarifying your goals you need to create a plan of action with dates to achieve them with attainable bench marks and then create a support system to stay on track.

Feeling unworthy can prevent you from keeping your word with yourself and desire isn’t enough.  Do you keep complaining about not reaching what it is you say you want?  When your mind/ego wins out by giving negative attention for not following through, you create a negative feedback loop.  The negative attention you give to the problem perpetuates this downward cycle and the mind and ego are at least happy to get some form of attention even if it’s negative, crazy as this sounds.  Beating yourself up becomes a familiar pattern of massaging addictive behavior.

Make sure this goal is something YOU want for yourself, not what someone else wants for you.  That never has enough staying power.

Reaching your goals becomes a function and question of “How can you love yourself enough to create what you want?”

To every rebuttal ( I call them “yet buts”) that comes up in your mind, write down a counter affirmation and say them everyday. Acknowledge small steps EVERYDAY that you have done towards reaching those goals.

Tell someone else what they are so you stay accountable. Start small and build everyday. You are on your way to making an internal shift that will then show up externally and YES picking 1 thing can make a change in many areas of your life.

A recent study showed someone started drinking 8glasses of water daily for 1 month and she lost weight, wrinkles, dark circles, had more energy and she ended up reaching 6 of her goals by changing 1 thing.  Now that’s powerful. What are you waiting for.  Rams don’t wait!

In the Spirit of Love,

Cindy

10 Minutes Count

Your practice calls:  You swear in 10 minutes you’ll get off the couch and get to it. The phone rings, another five minutes passes, someone knocks at your door, times a wasting. The dialogue in your head is full of excuses. There are approximately 10 minutes left, you’re tired and you know you have your next up appointment coming soon. Certainly you deserve to relax and regroup. What is the point of a 10 min practice session you ask. Another session missed? Or will you make these 10 minutes count?
The choice is yours.
Even a few minutes of doing what you say you will build on the trust you are creating or it can erode the faith you are cementing inside which becomes a vicious cycle of tomorrow, the next day, or day after and still you sit.

Heed the call! GET UP and GO! 10 minutes Count!

With Encouragement~

Cindy

Yoga Live: San Francisco This weekend

Take classes with some of the best teachers in the industry or just go and sample new healthy products and shop for the latest gear in yoga.

48 + Teachers sharing a wealth of information for students and teachers.

Here are a few of the top:

-Sean Corne
-Dharma Mittra: 1rst time I did a
Headstand was in
His class.
Never aspired to
This EVER.  Read more below.

-Shiva Rea
-Rodney Yee & Colleen Saidman Yee

HEADSTAND READY OR NOT:

Last year I took Dharma Mittra’s class with 100 other people.  I thought the class would be easy and relaxing since he looked anywhere between 80-100.

When he demonstrated an effortless headstand I was in awe.  I have never aspired to stand on my head for the benefit of blood rushing to my head and creating new neuropathways. It could easily be had by lying off the edge of my bed which had no appeal either.

I was in the second row which made it harder to fake the asanas (yoga postures) but I modified where I could.

I heard him say “look at me”.  I looked up and he had singled me out, his eyes piercing mine and he said “up”.  I have no idea to this day how  this happened but my legs shot up above me and I was in a headstand.  I was stunned and elated all at once.  I suppose this is how someone pushes a car off a loved one when it is not humanly impossible.  That’s how it felt to me anyway.  I’m still not sure where this came from.  Was I afraid of the consequences if I didn’t go up?  Did I get the affirmation from a well schooled teacher that saw something in me and I didn’t want to disappoint him?  Did the power in his words speak to a place inside where I wanted to do this but had given up on the idea because it was pointless or I was too old?  Was it because if this old man could do it, so could I? I felt like a little kid again and wanted to run to mommy shouting “look at me”.  I was amazed and proud even though this felt somewhere out of any control I humanly had.  To this day I do headstand most everyday because I can.  It reminds me that there are so many things in my life waiting  to emerge if I just stay open and listen to my intuition.