As I was walking on my path today I kicked an orange that had fallen from the tree. A light bulb went off when I realized I had done this way too many times. Somehow I had judged our oranges on our property as bitter and sour and not worth eating.
I had a bite out of one once and that was my experience. I bent down, picked it up and examined it. It was true; it was asymmetrical, smallish, the skin was rather soft with spots and it certainly didn’t look very appetizing. And then I had a conversation with myself that went something like this: “This comes from my tree on my land that I grew and I’ve been poo pooing these oranges all of this time. I have judged it as being bad since that one bite even though I have been painstakingly feeding and watering it. I still keep the bitterness in my mouth unwilling to open to new possibilities. How many other things do I do this with? It is here to nourish me and is loaded with vitamins. This is food and some people don’t have food readily available. I am hungry this moment and I am turning my nose up and judging this piece of fruit that so graciously showed up for me , the same way I turn away from what’s good for me sometimes because of a past memory”.
Talk about judging a book by its cover.
And what’s worse, I go and buy these at the store often because I think mine aren’t good enough.
I sat down and peeled the orange and juice ran down my fingers. I put it in my mouth and it was so sweet and delicious, I was surprised. As I thanked this delectable fruit, I was thankful for the sunshine, water, the people who planted this plant before I got here, the critters of the earth that mulch the soil, the birds and bees that pollinate it, and I thanked it for showing me all of the places that I think I’m not good enough like I thought this orange wasn’t good enough. The time I think other people know better than me, that I think I am flawed, or they are, that I gained 2 lbs, that I have 3 new wrinkles on my face, that I wasn’t as tolerant with someone when I could have been. Well, how can I be when I kick an orange out of my path that I don’t think is “good enough” or think I don’t measure up.
As I allowed the sweetness of the orange juice to drip down my throat I was grateful and become one with the fruit and forgave myself for taking it for granite and being so hard on myself and others. I remembered it is my job to see things fresh with new eyes everyday, grow, forgive myself and others so I’m might have more sweetness in life.
Who would have guessed the lesson of the day would be received by the wisdom of an orange and to think I may have kicked that down the hill and missed the nectar and gift it had to offer.
I only have 5 pears on my tree but I’m going to go check them right now.
Who knows what they have to teach me.
We often take for granite what we think will always be there whether it’s our health, peace of mind, friend, spouse, parent, job, home or beloved pet.
And now once again our precious commodity:
It always has been but we are aware of it more than ever before with the rations imposed upon us as our lawn turns brown and farmers are struggling to make a living.
While it’s true that our agriculture and farming need to restructure, every little bit we do helps AND it at least makes us feel better.
Our bodies are composed of 70-80% water and are the rivers to our bodies supplying vital nutrients to our blood and organs to function properly, like the streams are to our rivers and lakes. Without it, fish suffer and die and are at risk. When we pollute these systems with garbage and toxins, neither function properly.
2 of our kids came in while we were collecting extra water from runoff of our showers and sink and laughed. Our “kids” have not know what its like to conserve anything. Our “kids” are 24, 26, 28 and 30…. Grown Adults.
Where did we fail them in teaching them about our environment and that Mother Earth is a gift to be treasured and respected that we in turn have to nurture, bless and thank?
They had the highest education where environmental issues were addressed and sustainable resources were discussed, didn’t they?
How did this slip through the cracks?
I am appalled and yet in a world of the plenty and wanting for not, and trying to figure out how to navigate the world on so many levels, how could I expect anything less?
Their world has been wrought with social media pulling them in a million directions. Even with the travel to 3rd world countries and witnessing first hand the lives of how others lived hasn’t brought these messages home.
As concerned as I am for this lack of water, I feel blessed to have a teachable moment.
Parenting continues well into Adulthood even when they have their own lives and you don’t see them as often.
The saying you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone applies here and our having taken for granite this precious gift brings us back to nature and the power of natural forces. I too have taken it for granite when I see that our water bill went from 800.00 to 160.00 comparing last years with this year. A leak that went undetected, the loads of laundry I do for my business or shutting off the water and letting our lawns go brown? Probably a combination of both.
That’s astonishing and when my kids finally get a water bill, they will understand this too and that is when the teachable moment will come to life.
Too bad we can’t borrow some rain from the south with all of the disasters they are having.
So while you’re figuring out whether to use gray water, turning off your water, taking your 1 minute showers, swimming this summer and drinking it be grateful and mindful. You may want to barbecue tofu and soy burgers and delicious veggies since it takes 2,500 gallons to make a pound of beef.
“I’m just sayin”.
As you are being grateful remember to tell those you care about just how much you care about them.
Say hello and goodbye, give them a hug, share what’s in your heart and don’t forget to kiss your animals, friends and loved ones good night.
Life is short and we only realize that when things disappear.
Everyday is precious and we have know idea how many or few we have left.
Enjoy them while you can.
Of course it takes 2 to tango, so look at the part you played so you can learn
It once and for all; utter the words…
This cord of confusion is a waste of time.
Easy to think, “Oh, I should have, could have, would have…”
No more dwelling and be
Thankful that you are moving in a healthier direction.
I continue to pick up the phone and hang up before dialing your number. I composed a text for the umpteenth time, and then deleted it before I hit send.
When I’ve reached out, I’ve been rejected.
Sometimes, I look for the trail that will once again lead to your heart, like Hansel and Gretel, following crumbs. Nonetheless, the path just breaks.
This compelling need inside swells up and cries, “If you would only respond to me, I could move on.” Only when I pick up my journal, guitar, or uke and write, can it be released.
However, a gapping hole inside me grows deeper, the problem becomes everyone else’s fault. My mind says “If they just loved me ” and saw me, I could release this constant preoccupation with them. Of course when we have an expectation that someone will save us, we have put the responsibility on them not ourselves to resolve our issue which never works.
When I get through my day living true to myself, not letting this thought or person have control of me, I feel empowered and yet still dissatisfied.
What in me needs the approval of someone else that I will chase him or her at the expense of myself? How long will I make something outside of me responsible for my well being, and feel victimized when they don’t meet my expectations, wasting my energy, just so I can be validated?
When did I stop validating myself and why?
When we constantly look for things, people and places outside of ourselves to fill us and validate who we are,we will always be empty.
Next time you pick up the phone or want to reach out to someone; call someone that has always been true to his or her word and honorable.
Notice, when they get back to you right away, how you feel and how you respond to yourself
We are aware that their instant response is evidence they care. However, when we feel low, with a poor sense of our value truthfully, we question our worthiness of someone to respond attentively.
There in lies the problem.
It’s what you think of yourself that is the problem.
Do you think “what did I do wrong, what did I say that created them to leave” or “ what did I do for them to not respect me and call me back“.
You make it your problem but chances are it has nothing to do with you!
When you have worked all of your life trying to be noticed, abandonment issues run deep, and it takes discipline and practice to be kind enough to you to start living a life with people in it that are respectful and honor you.
Start today by honoring yourself and doing things for yourself that truly take care of you on a deep level.
Congratulations for not making that call and hitting the send button.
Life is about “finding peace in our struggles” as was shared so eloquently by a client.
Now go do something for you; making yourself your own best friend is an interesting experiment.
Just this morning I went to text and call someone who has not been returning my calls and I thought why would I do that to myself?
The message is clear: for whatever reason they are not getting back to me. It could be them or me, but I have tried enough. I miss what we shared and had, but at this point could I care enough about me? I don’t need to do that to myself because it creates a vicious circle of what I did wrong?
Consequently, I texted a dear friend instead, and right away I got a response.
I sat for a moment and thought: this is what I want. I want people in my life that do respond to me and treat me the way I treat them.
Some people wouldn’t give any of this a second thought. They would just drop the person and move on to the next. However, it’s only us that have issues with abandonment that have self-loathing.
I remembered instantly being 14 and waiting for my dad to come visit and pick me up, only to be stood up again. The pain of disappointment left me with wounds that are still triggered to this day. If I were just better, he would have been there for me.
So all of my life I have tried to be better with the hope I will have the Sunday visit 45 years ago that I so desperately wanted.
There are no more tears; they have been mourned a myriad of times.
Instead, a realization that I am worthy came over me and I felt a peace inside knowing that I could at least respond to myself lovingly and kindly from now on. I got out my shovel and headed to the garden with a grateful heart for the new seeds I am sowing.